I’m a 29-year-old woman. I was in a five-year relationship that ended when I discovered my partner was cheating on me. Seeing his photos with another woman-who he later married-left me heartbroken. Coming from a conservative family and being an introvert with no close friends, I had no one to share my pain with. I fell into severe depression. My family started searching for a match for me through matrimony sites, but I wasn’t ready.
I tried therapy, but it was expensive, so I had to stop. Feeling lost, I turned to the internet to find like-minded people. However, most searches led me to dating apps, which I wasn’t interested in. One day, I came across a profile of a man who had gone through a similar four-year relationship and heartbreak, and had recovered. I reached out to him, curious to know how he moved on. He responded. He was kind and shared his healing journey with me.
One day, I saw a picture of my ex with his wife, and I couldn’t control my emotions. In distress, I called this new friend and finally broke down, crying uncontrollably. It felt like a dam had burst, as I had been silently suffering at home. That meeting gave me some relief. We became close friends, and he supported me through my healing journey-even accompanying me to therapy sessions. Slowly, I started getting back to normal life.
Over time, he expressed his feelings for me. I suggested he send a matrimonial request through my profile. My family initially accepted. I had started to like him too-he understood me well. Everything seemed fine until my family received a proposal from a high-profile family. Without informing me, they proceeded with the alliance.
When I found out, I secretly contacted him on social media and told him I wasn’t ready for marriage, begging him not to tell my parents. However, the next day, his family contacted my father, exposing everything. A huge fight broke out between me and my father. He gave me an ultimatum-either agree to their choice or leave the house. They saw me as a shame to the family.
With nowhere to go, I called the man I had met through the app. He and his family tried to convince my parents, but they refused his proposal. When my family continued pressuring me into another marriage, I decided to leave home. I packed my belongings and left-becoming homeless. At that time, we were still just friends. He and his family helped me find a place. I had a job, which was my only stability.
I lived there for a year, and during that time, we got to know each other better. It wasn’t a rushed decision; after a year of careful thought, we decided to marry. For ten months, my family didn’t contact me. When I informed my mother about our wedding three months in advance, they still refused to accept me. After waiting for a year, we got married, and I moved into his home.
Before marriage, he was honest about his financial situation-his family had debts, their assets were lost, and they lived in a rented house. He had spent five years preparing for government exams but later joined a company started by his friends. Due to a career gap, his salary was below ₹30,000. His sister managed most of the household expenses. Knowing I had trouble adjusting to new environments, I told him before marriage that I wanted us to move out after six months.
He agreed initially. Now, nine months into our marriage, I’m still taking antidepressants and struggling to adjust. My in-laws’ home environment is difficult for me. Unable to adjust to the food and surroundings, I’ve lost weight and feel emotionally drained. While my husband is kind and supportive, he is deeply attached to his family-especially his mother. Since he works permanently from home, he lives in comfort while I struggle.
We keep arguing about his job and our living situation. At 34, he has no clear career growth plan. I suggested he take certifications to improve his job prospects, but he insists that IT jobs are unstable and that staying in his current company is the safer bet. He believes that if he helps grow the company, he will eventually succeed. Meanwhile, his friends are progressing in their careers and leading better lives, but whenever I bring this up, he accuses me of comparing him to others and not trusting him.
I feel stuck. We don’t have savings or an emergency fund. We haven’t even gone on a short trip since our wedding. Whenever I suggest a getaway, he argues that I always want luxury. Our relationship lacks intimacy-not just physically, but emotionally too. After my first breakup, I lost my romantic feelings, which I had told him about before marriage. He reassured me that love isn’t just about physical intimacy and that therapy would help.
He is patient with my mood swings and always available for me, but I still feel unfulfilled. His family sometimes sides with him, and I feel like an outsider. I want us to move out and have a private life together, but he insists we need to stay here for at least two more years due to financial constraints. I don’t have my parents’ support or a place to return to. When I mentioned my struggles to my mother, she coldly replied that I deserved to suffer for not obeying them.
Recently, I got a job opportunity in another state with a good salary hike, but my husband and his family are against it, telling me to continue working in the hometown. I don’t know if I’m being selfish, but I, too, had dreams-of traveling, of building a life with my husband. Now, I feel hopeless, with no privacy and no future. Am I being greedy? How do I overcome this situation?
Question: Am I greedy or selfish?
Option 1: Yes
Option 2: No
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