Helped her pass her 12th std Math’s, that’s how we started talking. She asked me for my mobile number, invited me to her birthday (I was the only man there), and she started to cling on to me… asked me out. A friendship that slowly headed towards a relationship. I acknowledged her tremendous efforts in the initial phases, and that’s the sole thing that attracts me towards her.
I agree I was emotionally absent sometimes and not fully involved. I couldn’t help it (I am a CA student, under an indirect slavery contract). For almost a year I kept traveling here and there, couldn’t afford to take out time until my article ship was completed. I had no choice but to focus on my career first, even earlier when she confronted me on her own.
One fine day, when we were serious about moving ahead, she told me she had lost her V card in 9th to10th std with her long time sports teacher (she is an athlete, won multiple nationals), which was not with her consent. My trust issues sparked here, since I had watched her dance and have fun with fellow girl classmates (which she says went through the same) at his wedding (when we hadn’t started talking).
I have a clear memory of it. When I questioned her, she pleaded innocence and being under coercion but didn’t want to tell me the whole side of the story. Says, “can’t tell you now.” That’s her trauma and I never forced her to explain herself. I was good with her, however. We talked as usual. And then she dropped another bomb said she had her first boyfriend in BSc days, no intimate relationship.
But he was blackmailing her for sex on some matter, and she ultimately used my name to somehow get rid of him. I was still supportive of her since she was honest with me… but again didn’t give full disclosure on what matter he blackmailed her. And chutiya me trusted her again. Days passed by and I got busy with my CA curriculum. I said I can’t give you assurance and had asked her for 3 years’ time (till I clear final), this distanced us.
During these years, when there was complete silence between us, she accidentally burnt her left nostril (nose) completely unhealed even today after 2 years and multiple surgeries that left a deep scar on her forehead. I still looked at her the same. I understand how, as a woman, she feels. Kept talking to her, asking how the treatment was going and all. I have faith it’s just a little matter of time and it will be alright.
But all this was too much to take in. Now she is emotionally absent while I try to cheer her up. I asked her out multiple times; she barely came out once or twice with me. Otherwise, I see her posts roaming here and there sometimes. I always wanted to ask her my doubts but could never do it, looking at the circumstances around her. Her efforts made me fall for her that’s the only green flag I see.
Everything else is deeply highlighted red flags. I straight up asked her this time (2 days back) whether she wants to go along with me or not. Now ma’am says she wants job security first, that’s her priority. She’s too emotionally drained to be in a relationship and wants to stay friends only. All I had stored until now fired up like hell on her.
Gave her the humiliation of her life unintentionally, in my rage, anger, and ego. I’m potentially not dying alone.
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: Let her go, she deserves it.
Option 2: Apologize, and clear everything with her afresh.
Option 3: Or it’s all my fault, not being fully involved.
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com