It was an arranged marriage. Before marriage, I was transparent about my past. At that time, he acted okay, but right after a few days of marriage, he started pointing fingers at my character, even blaming my parents for letting me study and work away from them. Meanwhile, I even got pregnant, and he kicked me off the bed as I defended myself in an argument (the argument again was him pointing at me, and my ego was triggered so I pointed at him). He made me abort through medication, saying he wasn’t ready for a baby (when I wanted one).
He made me keep this a secret from his family and was least bothered about my health. I suffered for 15 to 20 days with that pain. He didn’t even let me go to my maternal home. I cried on a call until my dad came. The abortion affected me emotionally. After returning to him, things got worse physical abuse to the extent of abdominal injury. (According to him, he saw something about my past mentioned in my journal, and that triggered his anger more. Yet he played it cool. When I pointed at him, he lost it all.)
Realizing it could cost him, he showed up at the hospital after 2 hours where I was waiting for my reports with his leg fractured, pretending that it wasn’t abuse but just a fight!!! After that, it got on my nerves. I was about to file a complaint, but his family didn’t let me. I came back to my maternal home. But even there, society started its drama of “wedlock,” and I was pressured to return. His father fake assured us that he wouldn’t let his son do something like this again. But I was so done emotionally, I didn’t even feel like seeing my husband’s face again.
He said he was trying to change, but I wasn’t convinced. I happened to share a few calls and messages with my ex because I was badly looking for emotional comfort. He (husband) saw those texts on my phone and made it seem like an extramarital affair, whereas it was just a friendly, comforting space. Post that, my ex-husband didn’t physically abuse me but verbally assassinated my character left, right, and center made me fall so badly in everyone’s eyes. When I came (to my maternal) home for some time.
He went on to have one night stands randomly and even recorded my apologizing call (I chose to apologize because it could feel like an affair, although it wasn’t and ethically I felt I was wrong) as proof, showing that I was the culprit and not of good character. Yet, how huge is his heart he was “agreeing” to give it one more chance and asked me to come back. After that, he even made me join a nearby school for work, saying being home would lead to more fights. But living there with zero respect and constant attacks on my character was so suffocating.
Still, I’m glad I tried my best with my behavior and extra caring approach as I was guilty and tried to show that I valued the wedlock. He, being my husband, tried to fix our issues, and I gave my 100%. But he took it all for granted because he was struggling with himself internally and rather hated me for being good. He used to get mad at me so badly that he broke furniture, took me, and made me sit with his father to discuss and decide that he wanted to get rid of me.
All of this was too much to take. So, I finally took the step, called my family, and told them to come take me home forever. I was done giving it chances, this time with zero regrets. Hence, I’m sure of the divorce. In the divorce process, I was initially in a mood for revenge and wanted to file complaints for everything. But it would take years, and coming from a reputed family myself, why make it worse? Also, his father asked for mutual divorce with a mere 5 lakh settlement. My family said, “Whatever the amount, it won’t last you.
Nor are they worth expecting better from. Get the legalities done.” He thought I had no concrete proof, whereas I had all the proof, including evidence of abuse and how his parents would talk to and treat me in person. Did I do the right thing by letting him go easily????
POV: He was a highly insecure man. My past gave him insecurity, and the fact that he knew he couldn’t satisfy me in bed made him act more insane! (Yes, it can sound like a filmy tragedy but it’s all true. In fact, there’s a lot more. I tried to stick with a few major things in my description.)
Question: Should I be ashamed for merely talking to my ex a couple of times purely cordial post being physically abused in wedlock? Or for choosing to be transparent with my husband about my past with the intent of going all in with the marriage?
Option 1: I did the right thing by leaving my toxic ex-husband
Option 2: I should have stayed and taken his abuse
Option 1
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