I got married to the man of my dreams at 25. It was an arranged marriage. When I saw him, I felt like he was the one. But as soon as I got married, very soon all my dreams shattered. I came to know that he was in love with someone else. He was having an affair with his neighboring girl. I saw how he was madly and desperately in love with her I saw it in his eyes. But I don’t know why I couldn’t do anything at that time. I just accepted my life.
Then I had children and was very busy being a full time mother.
After some years, I joined a job and was going on with kids, work, and house chores. Living in a joint family with in-laws, I was never able to open up. I adjusted, though we had lots of fights with my in-laws and husband. Now, after so many years, I feel lonely. I got separated from my in-laws. I’m still working, but there is still some kind of loneliness. My husband is always busy. I have to beg for outings and shopping. Now I realize he never had any feelings for me he never accepted me, I feel.
Because he never felt like going out for vacations with me, but he often spent time with his friends went on road trips, trips like Manali with his friends. I feel he is still in love with that girl and misses her. I told him everything and fought badly. For the past year, we’ve had fights, misunderstandings, etc. I came to know that he talked to her even when I had my first kid. I don’t know till when he was in a relationship with her even after she got married, maybe. I’m unable to love him now. I’m not at peace. I don’t feel like living in this relationship.
But I don’t have anyone else now. (I too had a crush on someone before marriage, but it was only attraction I realized it within 2 years. I was single before my marriage.) And I still feel single, though I’ve been married for 15 years. Of course, he is a good man he takes care of me and my kids. But I don’t feel his love. I always have an intuition he loves her. I cry, feel lonely, and get depressed every time. I’m unable to live happily or peacefully. I talked to a relationship counselor for advice, but I wasn’t satisfied. I have to be positive, it seems but how?
I’m not satisfied with my life or situation. I feel like quitting it or ending it. But then, I have my kids-I love them. I’m just living. Any advice?
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: Be positive and stay with him
Option 2: End the relationship