When I was in my teens and in college, I fell in love. It was pure, innocent, and real the kind of love that shapes your youth. He loved me too. For six years, we were each other’s world. We had our dreams, our plans, and what I truly believed was a future.
Then, during the COVID years, my life took a sharp and unexpected turn. I was forced into an arranged marriage with a man my family believed was a good match wealthy, well educated, from a “respectable” background. But very quickly, I discovered I had been misled. He had lied about his health, education, and finances. On top of that, he was emotionally and physically abusive.
That marriage lasted just two months. It left me shaken, confused, and deeply hurt not just by him, but by the fact that my own family had unknowingly pushed me into it. To their credit, my parents realized the mistake and supported me in walking away. But even with their support, I walked out of that chapter carrying trauma and a deep distrust in love, people, and the idea of marriage.
I promised myself then no more love, no more relationships. For the next few years, I stayed single. I poured myself into my studies, worked hard, and eventually landed the job I had always dreamed of. Life slowly started feeling like mine again on my terms. And then, just when I thought I had closed the door for good, my college ex came back into my life.
He said he never stopped loving me. Не wanted to marry me. And the truth is, a part of me still loved him too. So I gave it another chance, hoping maybe this time, it could work. But reality hit quickly. Like me, he came from a conservative family and my status as a divorced woman became the unspoken barrier. He said he’d convince his parents, but months passed with no change.
He wouldn’t fight for us, but he also wouldn’t let me go. Tensions grew. We fought often. Sometimes those arguments turned physical violent. Then he’d cry, apologize, and beg me to stay. He said he was scared but loved me and just needed more time. And I waited because I still believed in us. Then came another low point I went back home for a short break and was diagnosed with clinical depression.
I distanced myself from him to focus on getting better. During this time, though I had blocked him, he kept emailing and checking in on me through friends asking about my health and if I was still in the hospital. It seemed like he cared. But while that was happening, he was also on dating apps chatting with multiple girls, sexting, even discussing marriage with others.
When I came back and learned about this through his flat mate, I was devastated. I confronted him. He got physically aggressive this time in front of others. The police had to get involved. He was warned and let off with a warning, and I chose not to press charges. After that, I left. I moved into a domestic violence shelter. I had no support system in that country.
I had to quit my job because my mental health was at its lowest. I was diagnosed with PTSD. During this time, he kept reaching out. He said he regretted everything. That he had changed. That he wanted to support me, take care of me, and make things right. I didn’t have much stability then, and with nowhere else to go, I moved back in with him temporarily not to get back together, but just to feel safe and get back on my feet.
Now, months later he’s kind. Supportive. Says he’s loyal. On the surface, things are calm. He tells me he loves me every day. And I know, in his own way, he probably does. But the truth is: I’m still carrying the past. The lies, the cheating, the hurt it doesn’t just go away. I try to forget it, but some days it all comes flooding back, and I’m filled with anger, sadness, and a sense of deep unfairness.
He says he’s changed, but I’m not sure if I trust that fully. I also don’t believe he will ever truly stand up to his family for me. I also feel now, if I move out of this relationship, i will never love anyone or get into any relationship. It will be a closed chapter for me. So now, I find myself at a crossroads.
Question: Do I adjust and stay accept what is, despite everything that’s been? Or do I walk away not out of resentment, but in protection of my peace?
Option 1: Walk out protect peace, stay single forever
Option 2: Work on the relationship, because you love him