I wanted to ask can I ever find love and a genuine man and have a happy and healthy married life (not toxic or abusive)? These are the negative and positive things about me. I just want to know everyone’s viewpoint:
1. Done BTech in Computer Science. I have 1 year of experience in an IT company with a 6 LPA salary and now I am preparing for CAT. I would take any good college, not necessarily IIM. Obviously on loan. My target is to get a 10 to 12 LPA job before marriage. I come from a middle class family.
2. I am totally virgin. I don’t have much interaction with men. I talked to 1 to 2 men in college, but never had a relationship. I haven’t even experienced hugging, kissing, or even touching a man. These things are very unfamiliar to me right now.
3. I am a very introverted person and have a little social anxiety. I’ve always had very few friends. However, I really love spending time with my female friends.
4. I belong to a very rural area and a very conservative, orthodox family. So they didn’t use to let women speak much or study, which is why I never learned how to talk to people. I HATE the toxicity towards women. I never want to tolerate that again. I had to fight a lot for my studies.
5. I have serious cleaning OCD. I want to keep everything very, very clean. I cannot tolerate dust and dirt. I cannot tolerate a dirty washroom. I want everything to be arranged, clean, and aesthetic. If things are dirty or not arranged, it gives me anxiety and I can’t cope. One positive part of my cleaning OCD is that my home stays beautiful and clean. But there’s also a negative side. I take a lot of time to bathe. My father always tells me that nobody will love me or marry me because I take too long to bathe basically one hour each day.
Even my hostel roommates used to get irritated. I really want to know if any man will accept me with this kind of OCD. I’m the kind of person who cleans the suitcase after coming from a trip or, if I have traveled by train or something, I bathe before sitting on my bed. I would never sit on my bed without washing my legs. I hate when people keep things dirty. So these are the kinds of rituals I follow. Also, I place immense importance on a totally functional (good shower, tap, basin), clean, and modern washroom. Anything wrong with the washroom triggers my OCD.
6. I had a situationship in college. It was not a relationship. I never went outside with him. It was just talking on the phone and meeting inside the campus. But he was very toxic. He used to control me and feel entitled to me. That kind of scared me. He acted very righteous but was caught red handed cheating with another girl. After 3 months, I blocked him. I’ve also seen conservative men in my town. So honestly, I’m really scared of men the toxicity and everything.
7. I do not like trekking or adventurous things. I love badminton only. I like comfortable weekends. My hobbies are art and craft, cleaning my home, reading books, watching series, sleeping, designing, and writing.
8. I have always lived in a nuclear family. So I don’t know how to live with a lot of people.
9. I have always been totally single and alone, so being single is not an issue for me. I can stay single. I know how people are these days. They cannot stay loyal even in marriages, they are talking to different people. But I don’t talk to anyone. There are no notifications or messages on my phone because I just don’t entertain anyone. I have always done everything alone not even a sibling. But still, my age suggests I should marry. That’s why I am considering seeing someone. But I have a fear that if things go wrong, my life will become hell.
10. I don’t have good cooking skills. I don’t like it. Even now, despite having a job, I have a cook in my flat. So, I don’t know if men would accept that or not.
11. Whiteish fair appearance, 5’5″ height, no skin issues on my face, normal weight. People call me cute. No smoking, no drinking, no clubbing, no night outs, no slang language nothing. Zero tolerance for toxicity and abuse. I don’t fight because I don’t know how to, but I will just leave for sure.
12. I like deep conversations long discussions about topics like philosophy, psychology, history, and deep concepts. I always crush on intelligent people.
13. I have long (8 to 9 years) friendships with girls. So I know how to love people. I give importance and love to my close ones a lot honestly.
There were a few boys in my office and college who used to message me and ask me out for dinner and coffee. But I always rejected them because I never wanted anything casual. I want to seriously consider someone for marriage otherwise, no. I want honest answers. Will a genuine, loving, caring, modern (non-toxic, non-abusive) man accept such a woman?
Question: Will a genuine, loving, caring, modern (non-toxic, non-abusive) man accept such a woman?
Option 1: Yes, you are good
Option 2: No, you have issues
Option 3: No man will ever like you