This happened 5 years ago. I came to my Masters and I went to one of the top 50 B-Schools in the world. I met a girl and we were good friends right from day 1. In the last semester, I told that I like her. Initially, she said no because her family would never agree. But I explained and made her comfortable. She finally said yes. I was very happy. Both of us graduated with full time job offers.
I moved to another state for work and she stayed with me. Our relationship was amazing. We were intimate with each other, went to bars, went on dates and on trips. We never had disagreements or even fought with each other. After a couple of months, she moved to another state for her job. Even though it was long distance, we made sure to call each other other at least 2 to 3 times a day.
I used to visit her every alternate month and she used to visit me too. I told my parents that I want to get married to her but they didn’t agree. My mom stopped talking to me. I went to India and convinced my parents with great difficulty. Finally, my mom said yes. I was very happy. I bought a gold ring and I came back to the US. 3 days after I came to the US, she called me and said she is breaking up with me and cut the call.
I was devastated. I didn’t understand what was going on. I messaged and called her so many times to reconsider but she blocked me everywhere. I cried for a lot of days and slipped into depression. I wasn’t sleeping. I deleted all pictures, got rid of all the things which were common to us but nothing helped. I was getting affected at work, started getting suicidal thoughts, got into therapy and was on anti depressants.
My panic attacks started getting worse and got admitted into the hospital a couple of times. My parents didn’t know anything about this. My mom was very sad that my relationship didn’t work out and my mom also slipped into depression too. How can someone be so selfish? How can someone break up on a call without telling the reason? I loved her, wanted to get married to her but she never told anything about me to her parents and broke up with me on a call without telling any reason.
The only reason she told me was she didn’t have any more feelings. No idea what changed suddenly or who influenced her. With this much anger, after so many therapy sessions, even today, I dont think I moved on. I still stalk her profile on Instagram. She is the last person I think about before sleep and the first I think about when I wake up. I get bad dreams about her and unknowingly I wake up with tears in my eyes.
I still go to therapy and take antidepressants when things get worse. My antidepressants compromised my immunity system and I started having other health issues. Now my parents are trying to get me married but I just dont feel like it anymore. Every time I get a match, I just reject it because of the trauma.
I always think that what if the girl leaves me in the middle of everything without no reason like the way my ex did. My ex has become a curse in my mind which will never get out of my brain and I have to live with this trauma for the rest of my life. With so much trauma, I’m thinking of leaving the USA.
But I honestly dont know if that will help. One thing I would like to say to everyone is if you can’t commit to a relationship, then just don’t get into one. If something is bothering you at any time, just communicate and try making each other comfortable. If you can’t sustain a relationship, then don’t just start one.
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