I’m a 26 years old guy from a middle class family in Bangalore, working as an accountant. A few months ago, I got engaged to a career driven girl who dreams of cracking the civil services exam. She was upfront about her goals from the start, and I promised to support her, even after marriage. My parents were on board too. It felt like a dream when both families agreed.
In the beginning, we’d talk for hours, growing closer each day. A few months later, we got engaged, but she asked if we could delay the wedding by a year so she could focus on her studies. My family and I agreed, even though we originally wanted the wedding this year. But after the engagement, things started to get rocky. We began having small fights over decisions, which would spiral into bigger arguments.
Not a single week went by without some kind of conflict. One day, she told me she didn’t like my house it’s smaller and older compared to hers. She admitted she was scared to bring it up earlier, fearing it would end the engagement and upset her parents. She said she wanted to study and achieve her dreams, and I told her I’d support her.
She assured me she’d try to adjust to living in my house, and I hoped she’d grow to love it with time. After all, we could buy a new home in the future once we were financially stable, and she promised to help out once she got a job. That gave me hope. However, she doesn’t visit my house or attend many family events, saying she’s too busy studying. I respected that.
But she still attends most of her own family’s functions and insists I attend too. I didn’t mind much at first, but then she started breaking down on calls, saying she couldn’t imagine living in my house after marriage. Even though my house is decent and perfect for a small family in Bangalore, she keeps saying it’s too old and small. We bought it a few years ago, and I’m still paying off the loan.
Her words hurt especially since I’ve put so much effort into making that house a home. I can’t understand why my best isn’t enough. One day, she begged me to buy a new house as soon as possible. I explained that it wasn’t financially feasible right now, I’m middle class, and money is tight. But I promised we’d buy one in a few years. I asked her to be patient and adjust in the meantime, but she grew frustrated.
She said she wouldn’t live there for more than a year and that I needed to figure something out. The fights kept coming. She cried, I cried it started affecting both our work and studies. We even got physically close a few times, though nothing serious happened. In those moments, she’d say all she needed was my love and support. I believed things would get better. But peace never lasted, and the fights returned.
Eventually, she admitted she never wanted to get engaged in the first place her family pressured her. They wanted a good guy and family, even if it meant less financial security. After meeting me, she liked me and fell in love. I know she doesn’t have another guy she’s never had a boyfriend before. There are things I deeply admire about her, but her impatience and quick judgments are difficult to deal with.
How is someone supposed to buy a house at 26 when he’s the sole breadwinner? I told my parents everything. They were shocked I kept it hidden for so long. They don’t want to break off the engagement if we love each other, but they also think her expectations are unreasonable. Sometimes, I think we could make it work, save up, and eventually buy the home she wants. I’ve even started doing night shifts to save more.
Their support means everything, but I’m afraid of disappointing both them and her. Now, she’s made it clear she wants to delay the marriage until she clears her exams. She’s even willing to break up if I don’t support her decision. She promises that once she’s established, we’ll buy a house together, and she swears she won’t leave me if I support her now. It’s a heavy promise and the fear of losing her makes me want to say yes.
But at what cost? Why can’t we get married now and figure the rest out together? My family is ready to support her studies after marriage. I’ve always wanted a partner to help me build a future and take care of the family together. But every time we discuss it, it turns into a fight. She says she’d live alone if we broke up, She doesn’t want to marry anyone else because she loves me.
I feel the same, especially since we’ve been emotionally and physically close. I know she’s been through past trauma. She’s a simple girl but has a bit of arrogance and anger issues. I wonder if love is enough to bridge the gap between our realities. My parents are against delaying the wedding, but I haven’t told her that they know everything yet. Honestly, I don’t feel the same way I did about her a few months ago, and I suspect she doesn’t either.
I’ve made mistakes like arguing during her exams, but I never meant to hurt her or disrupt her studies. I’ve also noticed her family doesn’t casually call or check in, even months after the engagement. They only reach out for events. I haven’t brought this up, fearing another argument. Now, I avoid conflict as much as possible, because I know even one wrong word could trigger everything again.
I’m lost. I cry alone in my room sometimes something I’ve never done this much in my life. Maybe this is what they mean when they say love is blind. I just want to find clarity and a way forward, but the uncertainty hangs heavy.
Question: What should I do?
1. Should I delay the marriage to support her?
2. Should I end the engagement for mental peace?
3. Should we involve our families to find a solution?
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