Hi, I’m 28 years old. Let me tell you my story. When I was just 15, I met someone. He was my cousin. Our parents used to say, “When you both grow up, we’ll get you married.” I was happy about it. We became friends, and over time, that friendship turned into love. We grew up together.
When I finished school and started college, he joined the same college too. We were in the same class, and that’s when we started spending every single day together. We had a group of friends, and he was the most handsome guy in the group. Everything felt perfect to me. Life felt like a movie.
We even planned our future together. We said, “After we finish our degrees, we’ll get married, have kids, and live happily.” I was so excited about it. He convinced me to be physically close to him, saying it wasn’t wrong because we were going to get married anyway. I believed him. But then, in our third year of college, I started hearing rumors. People said he was cheating on me with my other cousins.
The rumors were strong. My sister even caught him cheating, but I didn’t believe her. I was so in love that I couldn’t see the truth. There were so many rumors, but I ignored them all. After college, he moved to another city for work, and I moved to a different city too. But things started to change. He became controlling. He didn’t want me to work or be financially independent.
Then, I caught him cheating again, with the same cousins. When I confronted him, he admitted it but blamed them, saying they were the ones who seduced him. He said he still loved only me. And guess what? I believed him again. We had so many fights over the years. Trust was a big issue. But after four years of college, we tried to make it work. We got married (nikah).
We spent one week together, and during that time, my life fell apart. I found out he had been cheating on me for the past 10 years with more than 15 girls, including my best friend. I confronted him, but he tried to manipulate me again. He said, “That was all before marriage.
Now that we’re married, I won’t do it again.” But I couldn’t trust him anymore. I started hating him for betraying me like this. I couldn’t respect him after knowing everything. Two weeks after our nikah, he went abroad. He said he would take me with him, and that’s why I agreed to the marriage. But he never took me. After he left, our relationship got weaker and weaker. He stopped talking to me.
We had ugly fights. Every time we fought, I brought up his past because I couldn’t get over it. I couldn’t respect myself either. It’s been 1.5 years now, and I don’t even feel like talking to him. We both decided, without saying it out loud, that we should end this relationship. But neither of us had the courage to take the first step. Deep down, I wanted it to work because I was scared. I had spent 13 years of my life with him. What would I do without him?
Then, last week, something happened. His brother’s phone accidentally ended up in my hands, and I saw pictures. He had sent his brother photos of himself with another girl, hugging and kissing. They looked so happy together. Seeing that made me realize he would never change. He would always cheat on me whenever he got the chance. He doesn’t know I’ve seen those pictures.
Now, I’m heading towards a divorce (khulla). But I don’t think I’ll ever recover from losing 13 years of my life, years I spent loving him and being loyal to him. In these two years, I met someone else at work. He’s divorced and has a kid. He showed interest in me, and I told him my story. He was empathetic and respectful, and he even proposed to me. But there’s a 13 years age gap between us.
After everything my husband did, I had this desperate desire to cheat on him too to make him feel the pain I felt. Six months ago, I started dating this new person. At first, I thought it could work. But now, after six months, I realize there’s a generational gap between us. He’s emotionally unavailable. My pain and emotions seem unreasonable to him. I wanted someone to make me feel desired, valued, and loved, but he’s not doing that.
He’s lazy in the relationship and doesn’t put in any effort. Now, I feel like this relationship might traumatize me too. I’m stuck. Should I separate from my husband? But I don’t want to stay with him either because of his betrayal. And I know this new person can’t fill the void in my heart. I don’t know what to do. I feel lost. What should I do?
Question: What Should I Do Now?
Option 1: Divorce my husband
Option 2: Give more time to 2nd person
Option 3: Leave both and focus on my business