I’m the same 28 years married wife from the story posted earlier, titled: Spent 14 Years Loving a “Gentleman” Who Now Googles Schoolgirls, Ignores Me in Bed, and Treats Me Like His Unpaid Maid. (Admin added the word “Google,” but he’s actually searching on porn sites and YouTube.) I felt like I couldn’t give you a clear idea of my situation in the previous story, so I’m adding more details here. Someone said this generation is messed up because I married the guy I met when I was 14.
Maybe you’re right. Nobody marries their high school sweetheart, right? But if I had casually dated people and broken up with them, you would’ve said the same thing. When he first asked me out, I set two conditions:
1. There would be nothing sexual between us, and he couldn’t touch me inappropriately until we were married or until I allowed it.
2. He should only be with me if he intended to marry me. I didn’t want to play around with random boys and get emotionally attached for nothing. He agreed to both. Over the years, he expressed his desires, but I didn’t allow it, and he never forced me. A few years later, during my third year of college, I didn’t resist him, and things happened between us and continued afterward.
He came from a lower middle-class background, while I was upper middle-class. If I had broken up with him because he didn’t buy me things or spend money on me, you’d have called me a gold digger. I wanted him to get settled, have a good job, and pull his family out of their financial struggles. Eventually, he did. I was nothing but supportive, and he used to say he was busy building his career. I believed him and gave him space never bombarding him with demands for time.
Even though I craved more, 15 to 20 minutes a day was enough for me because I didn’t want to stress him. Maybe I was a fool. I don’t know if what I did was right. His family had no ancestral property. His father owned no assets. But it never crossed my mind that someone needed property or a lavish lifestyle to be marriage material. My family was disappointed when they saw his family’s house and lifestyle, but I convinced them he was a good guy who’d keep me happy.
I praised his gentlemanly personality, just like everyone around him did. I thought love was enough. I still don’t care about money or materialistic things all I expected was attention, compassion, trust, care, and love. Yet here I am, craving those basics, disrespected and ignored like a robot meant to do chores, bear his child, and require no maintenance or investment. For the record, there was no dowry just some gold jewelry for me, like any other wedding.
Financially, I had a job for almost two years before marriage. It wasn’t high paying, but decent for a first job. I left it before the wedding since I was supposed to move to his city afterward. But a couple of months before the wedding, I had an accident that damaged my spine, limiting my movement. I started gaining weight automatically couldn’t lift heavy things or do intense workouts. The weight gain wasn’t rapid at first but worsened later.
Just two months into marriage, his family pressured me to get pregnant. He stood up for me then, saying we needed time. After marriage, I had no job. I did all the housework, cooking, and light workouts to manage my pain. I stayed home alone while he worked, isolated but initially happy because he cared for me. Our intimate life was good but only for a few months. Then he started taunting me for not earning, disrespecting me with comments like, “What do you know? You just sit at home
You just eat and poop.” When I felt hurt, he’d say, “Mazak mein keh deta hoon ye sab.” The body shaming began. I got stressed, anxious, and started stress eating. My cortisol levels spiked, and I gained weight faster, worsening my pain. I couldn’t work out without agony but neglected my health because I was more worried about my marriage. I was diagnosed with PCOS, prediabetes, and borderline hypothyroidism only because pregnancy tests required it (I missed periods).
He didn’t even research these conditions or care about what I was going through. He still insisted I get pregnant. I warned him it could be fatal for me and the baby, but he dismissed it as excuses, verbally abusing me. This happened every few months before we’d drop the topic. After two years of being treated like a burden, I finally got a job. He barely spent money on me just food and groceries. Once I started earning, he bought property, paying EMIs while I handled household expenses and my own needs.
I wasn’t included in financial decisions just informed after the fact. He paid rent (less than 5% of his salary) while I worked, cooked, and cleaned, exhausted with no time for workouts. He’d do a couple of chores on Sunday and boast all week. Our intimate life died. Someone asked if he does anything good. Does he bring me food? Yes when he wants takeout (his choice). If I ask, he says, “Ghar pe kyun nahi bana rahi? Ghar pe hi banao.”
Occasionally, he’ll call me “baby” or give me a forehead peck but these moments are rare. The disrespect is daily. He loves traveling but complains on trips: “Kisi aur couple ko saath laate to zyada enjoy kara hota.” Maybe he doesn’t want alone time with me. His friends invite us on trips, but I refuse, so he declines. He always wants to go, though. I fear if he enjoys it too much, he’ll always insist on group trips, never just us. Maybe I’m overthinking, but I don’t want more problems.
Someone said fantasizing and acting are different. Another suggested I find evidence if he’s involved with a teenager. He’s not at most, he fantasizes about them. I don’t know if he’s just consuming that content or fixated on it. It’s not just watch history it’s search history.
A question for the male audience:
• Do you search for specific porn, or watch whatever comes up?
• If you search, does it mean anything? Do you fantasize about it?
• Would you want rea life experiences like those videos?
• Is searching for schoolgirl porn/MMS normal?
• What about “Bhabhi” and escort searches?
Does curiosity mean he’d try it if given the chance? He’s not cheating now I know he wouldn’t dare approach colleagues. But if someone approached him, would he reject her or fulfill fantasies? Is his withdrawal because he finds me unattractive, or is he seeing escorts? It’s funny I’m the one ignored, lonely, craving connection after 14 years, yet the thought of cheating never crosses my mind. Meanwhile, he rests assured, hurting me and calling it “casual jokes,” depriving me of intimacy.
Most advise me to leave. But on what grounds? What would I tell my parents? No one would support m his “gentleman” image is flawless. I have no proof of cheating. My parents would back me if it were domestic violence, infidelity, or dowry but lack of intimacy isn’t taken seriously in Indian society. Instead, I’d be blamed for being overweight.
Does being overweight make me unworthy of love? Must I walk on eggshells? Should I lose weight just so he finds me attractive? What if I do and he still treats me poorly? My motivation shouldn’t be his approval it should be health. (He has belly fat too, but I never point it out.)
Please don’t suggest I lose weight I’m trying. Since childhood, I’ve had a small appetite. I didn’t gain weight from overeating yes, stress led to junk food, worsening my health, but I can’t undo that. With my spine injury, PCOS, stress, anxiety, and depression, losing weight will take time and immense effort.
Living with someone who deliberately hurts you for his enjoyment destroys mental health. I’m lonely and helpless. This was long, but I needed to vent. I can’t talk to anyone, and therapy is too expensive. Please answer my questions—it’ll help me understand the porn situation better. Thank you for reading.