It was an arranged marriage. My husband waited three long years to marry me. Back then, I found him completely unattractive and had no feelings for him. l even told him that directly. But he still waited. He was so loving, so patient, and gave me the kind of attention every girl dreams of. It felt divine. Slowly, my mind changed. I convinced myself, “No one will ever love me more than this man.” I gave in. I got married, partly because of parental pressure, but mostly because I thought he truly loved me. In the beginning, he treated me like I was the only woman on earth.
But after marriage, his true face slowly emerged. The same man who once worshipped me started screaming at me, calling me names disgusting, cruel names no woman should ever hear from her husband. At first, I was in denial. This couldn’t be the same man who celebrated me like I was his queen, right? I had never been in a relationship before him. I believed every word he said. And despite the growing toxicity, I stayed. Because some days just some he would be the old version of himself. He’d call me every hour, treat me gently, and care for me like I was fragile glass.
But that love was only in words. On the nights I cried myself to sleep, he snored beside me. He had no shame hitting me when angry. He never lifted a finger for housework. He watched me suffer, and didn’t care. Three whole years of verbal abuse, emotional trauma, and mental manipulation just because I was holding onto hope that the sweet man I once saw would return. I was once a school and college topper, good looking, from an upper middle-class family, loyal to the core, and had no romantic past. I gave this man everything my love, my life, my future and still, it wasn’t enough for him.
I’ve tried to leave mentally, but he plays the “good guy” just enough to keep me confused. And now, I’ve given birth to our child. A newborn baby. And even now, there is no affection, no support, no emotional safety. I’m at my mom’s house recovering from delivery, and he’s about to leave the country for a job. I feel utterly alone, battling postpartum depression, while he gets to run away from every responsibility just like that. Why does my heart still crave his attention? Even after all the abuse? Even when I know better?
I want to reclaim my self respect. I want to be strong for my baby. But my mind is a mess. How do I stop loving someone who broke me over and over? How do I rebuild a future when I’m still drowning in a past I never deserved?
Question: What should I do now?
Option 1: Leave him. Focus on my child and rebuild my life.
Option 2: Keep hoping for love from someone who has destroyed me repeatedly.