Hi, I am happily married to my husband for the past 5 years and we have a 3 years old baby. It was an arranged marriage, but we love each other so much that people often assume it’s a love marriage. Before my marriage, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 to 5 years. We always knew there was no future for us and that our families would never support the marriage. Still, we fell in love and stayed together because we loved each other so much that we couldn’t stay apart.
We tried to separate a few times thinking that since there’s no future, it’s of no use to stay together and end up hurting each other in the end. In between one of those separations, he cheated on me. Nothing physical, nothing emotional, maybe just a rebound. But we got back together. My boyfriend didn’t know I was in a relationship then, not her fault. When I came to know about this, I got really hurt but still forgave him because he was neither physically nor emotionally attached to her.
Then we got physical too. Not too many times. The thing is, apart from those separations, we never had any sort of fight in those 4 to 5 years. No big arguments, no drama, everything was just perfect. But eventually, we had to break up due to family pressure and I got married to my now husband. I didn’t tell him anything about my past relationship because it was an arranged marriage and I didn’t know how he would react.
Somehow, I think he had a feeling, and one night, he got drunk and insisted I tell him if I had any past relationship and if I was physically involved. I told him everything. He beat me up. Like really badly. The next day, he was extremely sorry and deeply hurt not just by my confession, but also by his reaction to it. He told me that if I wanted, he would let me walk out of the marriage and go back to my ex. He also said I should have told him all this before the wedding.
It took a few days, but we came out of it together. That was the first and last time he raised his hand on me. In these 5 years, he has never brought up my previous relationship in any of our fights. We completely moved past it and never spoke of it again. Two years into our marriage, we had a beautiful son. My husband is the best father and the best husband anyone could ever have.
Now, my ex is getting married in a few days, and lately, I’ve been constantly thinking about him and the moments we shared. I’m happy in my marriage, but still wonder what life would’ve been like if I had married my ex. He’s also having an arranged marriage. In the end, family won. I keep thinking, what if our families had supported us? Though we never even informed them. In fact, nobody in this whole world knew we were in a relationship.
Everyone thought we were just good friends. We gave up on our love way too easily. Now, both of us are living our arranged married lives, happy on the surface, but somewhere deep down, we both know we never fought for what we had. And the hardest part is knowing that someone else now gets to live the life with him that I used to pray for every single day. I would not trade the life I have now for anything in the world. But sometimes, I do regret not fighting for him.
I even regret falling in love with him. Because if not love, at least I would’ve had a great friend beside me today. In the end, love lost and family won.
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