Hi, I am a 30 years old female. I got married in 2015 to the person I loved since childhood. I was 20 years old at that time. I took a stand in front of my parents, and he took his stand in front of his father. His father had adopted him from his wife’s sister, as they couldn’t have children. His adoptive mother passed away in an accident. His father remarried, and they decided to move to Canada. My husband, on the other hand, didn’t want to leave Pakistan. So he said, “I will stay in Pakistan with my wife.” Our bond was unbreakable; we loved each other unconditionally.
Everyone around us admired how happy we were. We had our first son in 2022; he passed away 15 days later. We were devastated. It was one of the hardest times in our lives. We were blessed with another son a year later. He will turn 2 on 28th March, and I am expecting our 3rd son, who is also due in March. His father named all his property and car to my husband. He sold that house and moved to a rental house near his biological family. He decided to stay with his biological family his sisters and mother.
We had lived alone for 10 years, and now we started living with his biological family. His adoptive father didn’t know about this. Things changed since we moved to this new place. Most of the time, he argued with me. We fought all the time. He made me believe that I wasn’t his peace, that I was emotionally distant from him, that I didn’t take care of him or the house, and that I always kept an eye on him and caged him. He opened a savings account to keep money there and invested money in different platforms.
He hasn’t had a job for more than a year now. He just plays games all night, sleeps all day, and hangs out with his friends. He keeps me at my mother’s house most of the time and prefers to stay alone. He met a girl who is a banker. He said she is his friend and that she got him out of the depression that I had caused over the past 5 years. He said he was about to commit suicide and that she saved him. I was okay with her being his friend and them hanging out, but I started feeling uncomfortable with them chatting all day, exchanging gifts, and frequent hangouts.
He started to hide things from me. We went on a family trip, but he didn’t seem present with me; he was talking to her all the time and buying gifts for her. When I talked to him about it, he got offended. It became normal that whenever I brought her up, he got defensive. He started blaming me, and to make things right, I just surrendered to him. He went on a trip to another city regarding his investment. When he was about to come back, that girl also went there with her cousin. My husband called me and asked whether he should join them.
I didn’t want him to go with her like that, and I didn’t give him permission. Little did I know he was already with her. He used the love and trust card and made me give him permission. They stayed there for three days and nights. Her family got concerned when they had no contact with her for 24 hours, so they contacted the travel agency. The agency told them the girls were with some guy and they didn’t know where they were. Her family got furious, retrieved CCTV footage from the hotel, and saw her with my husband.
He called me, listened calmly, and said he would do whatever I said just help him with this mess. He asked me to go to her parents’ place and lie that I was also with them so they wouldn’t face any trouble. My husband, being hypocritical, started to argue on the way back. He shouted in front of our son and blamed me for his actions. He accused me of being the reason for everything, even claiming I wasn’t emotionally available during intimacy. His voice kept getting louder until we reached home. He said he would throw every woman out of his life, even his mother.
Then he looked at our son and said, “You’re also dead to me.” At home, he said he would call my father and tell him what I did. I said he didn’t need to call anyone let’s just go to our room and talk. He went to our room and started throwing my clothes and belongings. He even tried to hit me. I screamed, and his mother came. I called his sister too. They all took his side and told me to be quiet. He left and blocked me. According to his sister, he blocked her and everyone else too.
I was shocked and furious. They told me to stay quiet and keep things smooth. They said he would come back soon. The next day, I tried to find his location. I logged into his Facebook and found messages where they were saying “I love you” and planning to get married. I showed it to his sister. We called that girl to our home and talked to her. She said she would stay away and not come between us anymore. His sister somehow traced him through his car number but didn’t share the location with me. I kept asking, but she refused.
My sister found this strange how could someone track a person like that? Still, I believed his sisters and him. He came home and gave me 3 conditions:
1. I should accept her, they get married, and we all stay together.
2. If I don’t accept, he leaves for another country and visits once a year, without contact with her.
3. He disappears and never returns.
I said, “Okay, we’ll think about it. Just stay home with us.” I started trying to fix things, but he argued every day over little things. I checked his phone and found they were still meeting, exchanging gifts, etc. I talked to her and asked her to have a soft corner for me. She said she was trying to stay away and that leaving suddenly wouldn’t help. Then she said, “You won’t see me anymore,” and blocked both of us.
He got furious, checked my phone, and started fighting with me. He told me to make her contact him again or he’d leave. I said let’s sort things out first I didn’t want her involved. But he choked me and left. I called her and told her to contact him. He brought her home and talked to her in front of me. He gave me 3 more conditions:
1. Accept her.
2. Don’t accept her, but she remains his friend.
3. He moves out of the country and cuts off contact with both of us, just bearing expenses since I’m his wife.
I felt numb. I knew he was lying just to shut me up. I played along. On 14th Feb, he told me to go to my mother’s house. I hesitated, but he said he needed to go somewhere. He took out a red shirt, and I just asked where he was going. He made a scene, called his sister, and started yelling. His sister took his side and made me stay quiet. I compromised again. I went to my mother’s house. When I returned, I found out that the girl had come to my house during my absence. I had a hunch. I checked their messages and confirmed they were home together.
I confronted him he lied to my face repeatedly. I even told him politely that I didn’t mind if she came in my absence. He said, “We never had a physical relationship. That’s enough for you to know.” He lied to my face, looking into my eyes. The next day, I checked messages where her sister told her that I had doubts and wanted CCTV footage (from the camera at the house across from ours). He was advising her to just play along and deny everything. She said to leave me and ignore me, which he started doing.
During all this, he tried to harm me three times. Once, he even threatened to punch me in the abdomen. My sister told me to pack up and leave. I left that day and took my PC and PS5. After that, his sister sent a threatening message saying they’d file a case against us for stealing things. Then she deleted the messages. My husband said the same thing and that he would bear the expenses. I needed money for my kids and check-up (I’m due next month), but he hasn’t sent anything. They’re all silent now.
His adoptive father and family suggested we go to the girl’s place and tell her parents everything. I just don’t know what to do. I am a mess. My condition is deteriorating day by day. They are not contacting anyone from my side-my parents, sister, or even his adoptive family. He’s not even answering anyone’s calls
Question: Should I try to make things better one more time?
Option 1: Should I go to that girl’s place?
Option 2: Should I go back home?
Option 3: Should I file for divorce?