Hi everyone, I’m a 25 years old female, recently married to someone I’ve known closely for years he’s actually a relative. He proposed to me 5 years ago while I was still studying. I didn’t accept his proposal right away; it took me a long time to say yes. He comes from a financially unstable background but studied hard and landed a great job. He even struggled a lot during his education due to lack of money.
When he proposed, he told me he truly loved me for many years and that he worked so hard to get a job just so he could marry me. We had many ups and downs in our relationship. At one point, we even had a breakup for more than 6 months. But he convinced me, tried really hard, and made things work again.
All these 5 years, we had a great bond of friendship. We supported each other. He grew professionally and settled well. But here’s the thing we were never intimate, not even once, nor did we ever have an intimate conversation. I assumed he was just a gentleman who wanted to wait until marriage.
Since we are close relatives, and everyone knows him from childhood known as a good person, great character, and so on my parents liked him and we got married this year. One week after the marriage, he went back to his workplace. We got a little intimate a couple of times but never had sex. After a month of marriage, I moved in with him. Suddenly, he seemed like a completely different person.
He acted disinterested, constantly irritated and frustrated. I was shocked and clueless about why he was behaving like that. He wasn’t close to me at all… and we still never had sex. One day, he came home from work while I was watching something on my phone. He sat beside me and started chatting with someone.
I saw some guy’s picture and noticed an unfamiliar app, which made me suspicious not seriously, but I decided I’d check his phone if I got the chance. That night, I couldn’t sleep. He slept early. I took his phone and checked. I never imagined my life would turn upside down in the next minute.
He was using a gay dating app. He was chatting with hundreds of guys sexting, doing nude video calls even planning to meet them. In one of the conversations, he even admitted to meeting a few guys last year. I was devastated. I gathered every bit of courage I had and left the room, recording the chats and photos from that app with my phone.
That night was a nightmare. I cried and cried and cried. I didn’t sleep. The next morning, I told him I wanted to go home. He booked my ticket but it was for 5 days later. During those 5 days, I observed everything. He kept hiding his phone, even took it to the washroom. I got another chance to sneak into it there were nude photos of men, exchanged numbers, social media profiles everything.
I cried every single day and finally decided to leave without asking him anything. Once home, I called him and questioned everything I had seen. He said none of it was true. He claimed he did it just for fun, never had physical contact with any guy. He said he started when he felt lonely and gradually got addicted.
I was shattered. Who the hell looks at other men’s genitals when they’re lonely? Who on earth gets addicted to gay stuff unless they’re actually gay? I told everything to my parents. They were devastated. My mother and father cried. They didn’t know what to do after all, he’s a close relative. The entire family would be split.
I stayed home for 2 months. Slowly, my parents’ mindset changed. They started saying that leaving him without giving a second chance would be unfair. I didn’t want to go back, but because of my parents, I returned to his place. I’ve been here for 40 days now. Nothing has changed. I can’t even look at his face. I check his phone whenever I get the chance. I hate him.
He has a few feminine features like his voice and walking style things I had ignored because I loved him for his character. But now those things are triggering me and making my mind a living hell. I cry every day. I don’t talk to anyone. I stopped going out. I stay home all day. The only things I do are cook and clean. My life feels like hell.
My parents don’t understand, even after I’ve explained everything to them a hundred times. They still believe he’s a good person and that he’ll change for me.
Question: What should I do?
1: Genuinely give him a second chance
2: Divorce him
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