I am a 32 years old, professionally working, single, independent woman. I was engaged to a guy 5 years back who had erectile dysfunction with a micropenis. It was through an arranged marriage, and we weren’t supposed to have sex before marriage, but we tried having sex and discovered the situation. I then told my parents and called off the engagement and wedding preparations.
People still judge me for that and label me characterless. Yes, I was never a virgin, but I never wanted to be in a marriage where there were only taunts from in-laws and no physical intimacy. Even today, proposals reject me for that. Men are happy to have me as a girlfriend but don’t want me as a wife even men earning less than me or from middle-class families reject me.
Educated consultants, techies, doctors, and investment bankers all want a wife with a minimal past and come up with excuses to avoid marrying me. Currently, I’m in a live-in relationship with someone who can’t be accepted socially, but emotionally, physically, and financially, we are very happy, except for the fact that my parents and relatives will never accept our marriage. But we’re happy with our ongoing affair.
Fast forward 5 years: now, my friend and sister-in-law is facing a similar situation. She is married to my cousin, who has erectile dysfunction, and the in-laws are not supportive. She feels suffocated, so she is considering divorce. Even though it’s my extended family and my brother, I feel bad for her and I’m on her side, with sympathy for her.
Should I stop her? Should I tell her my story that I was brave and am still being judged and unmarried even now and convince her to stay in a bad marriage to keep that “dignity” in Indian society, which respects women for their married status and humiliates single or divorced women? What is better, according to the trolls who just judge people morally?
Staying in an unhappy marriage where you don’t have the guts to get out even if you suffocate? Or a happy affair that you constantly need to hide from the world, even if it means everything in your life? And why is there always a price to pay for women when choosing happiness over societal norms be it loss of dignity, being called names, or punishment from your own parents?
Why are only women expected to face the consequences? Society literally treats a woman as if she’s an object for the pleasure of a man. Like if he wants sex and she doesn’t offer it, then it’s her mistake even if she likes him or not. But if a woman is sex starved and unhappy, people feel like that need can be suppressed and think she’s overreacting.
Seriously, a woman asking for sex is treated like some characterless object and seen as a free invitation for men with bad intentions. Why is Indian mentality so disgusting? Why can’t we normalize finding happiness outside marriage? Do you own a woman when you marry her, that all her emotions should revolve around you?
Men don’t want their wives emotionally close to anyone or sharing too much with another man let alone sexually cheating. Then why cry till death if you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage?
Question: How many Indians will answer the question honestly?
Option 1: Want divorce but scared and suffocated
Option 2: Affair is easier than divorce
Option 3: I have the guts to face consequences of divorce
Option 4: No matter what, will never cheat nor divorce
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com