After marriage, we were intimate just three times a month. I thought it would improve. But it didn’t. Still no dinner dates. Still no time alone. Always his friends. He had all the time in the world for them, but not even a meal with me. And this was just two months into marriage. Then one night, I couldn’t sleep. I turned toward him and saw it he was watching something, hand down there.
I didn’t want to believe what I saw. But it kept happening. Every alternate day. While I was lying right next to him. He wouldn’t touch me. He wouldn’t talk about it. Just silently choosing something else over me. I started thinking it was my fault. I even did bikini waxing, thinking maybe he’d find me attractive again. But he didn’t even ask if I was okay. Didn’t even look. No effort. Nothing.
One afternoon, I caught him again. I ran down to the apartment parking and cried uncontrollably. I felt so alone. So unwanted. So invisible. Then, while using his iPad to help my mom log in to Instagram, I found a second account. I opened it. My heart sank. There were chats naked videos sent directly to him. Not just porn. Real people. Real exchanges. That destroyed something in me.
I told him the truth I had lost love, lost respect. I couldn’t even sleep beside him anymore. His touch made me flinch. His silence made it worse. Still, no change. And then I started noticing even more. When I wasn’t around, I’d feel anxious. My chest would ache. I couldn’t sleep. I knew what he was doing when I wasn’t there.
One day, I found yet another new Instagram account. Again, the same kind of messages. Same pattern. That moment, something in me shut down completely. Now, I can only sleep peacefully when he’s not home. I wake up feeling tired. I’m always overthinking. I feel like he imagines someone else while being with me. He doesn’t sit with me.
Doesn’t eat with me. Doesn’t talk to me. What hurts the most is I’ve been trying. I’ve given him my time, love, patience. But he’s never once said anything kind. Never once tried to make me feel special. I just wanted a partner. Someone honest. Someone emotionally present. But now, I don’t even feel alive.
All I want is to disappear quietly without hurting anyone. But deep down, I keep wondering. Is this normal? Or am I just overthinking it?
Question: Is this normal?
Option 1: Normal
Option 2: Overthinking
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com