I liked this guy. We worked at the same place. He often replied to my WhatsApp statuses, trying to start conversations, and over time, we began talking. One fine day, I found out he was married. I asked him, and he admitted it. That moment broke something inside me. But by then, we were already emotionally attached. He told me he wasn’t happy in his marriage and that he had finally found someone he could open up to.
Now I’m stuck with guilt of breaking up, of being labeled a homewrecker, and the constant mixed feelings of “what if” he’s really in a miserable marriage? At first, I thought his possessiveness was love. He didn’t like me talking to any male colleagues, even if it was strictly work related. During a trip, we went hiking. I asked him to join me, and he said he’d come later. In the meantime, I started hiking with a male colleague, who was much younger a fresh graduate and my neighbor, like a brother to me.
When my boyfriend saw this, he shrieked, “How can you go with a male colleague?” This led to yet another fight. Then came another incident. We were traveling in a van with colleagues, and I suggested that a female colleague sit in the front seat as she was the only other female traveling. He refused to give her the seat and got annoyed at me for even bringing it up. When I advised creating a formal transport policy, he didn’t talk to me for four days. I had to say sorry.
Even in personal conversations, he got angry over the smallest things. During a video call, I playfully complimented him, saying, “You look good with a beard. I like men with beards.” He got frustrated and said I had insulted him by saying “all guys.” He ignored me the whole night. Whenever I asked about our future, he avoided the topic. I suggested marriage, but he said, “We’ll talk when the right time comes.” He never said he wouldn’t marry me he just kept giving me false hope.
Then came the final breakup. I attended a corporate event and wore professional attire. I usually wore a scarf at work, but outside work, he had seen me without it before. I never knew he cared so much about the scarf. After I posted pictures from the event, he flooded me with angry messages questioning my scarf and my presence near male colleagues (co-host). When I tried to explain, he abused me, blocked me, and deleted my messages without reading them. Unlike before, this time, he didn’t come back.
Question: Was it really my dressing and engagement with the opposite gender that pissed him off or did he finally realize he couldn’t manipulate me anymore, and used it as an excuse to walk away when I started asking about the future?
Option 1: Yes, he used it as an excuse
Option 2: He is not worth this much attention
Option 3: No, you hurt him