I am 26 years female and I am in a relationship with a 27 years Male for the past 1.5 years. It has always been a long-distance relationship since day one as he had to move to Bangalore for his job. We have known each other since college. We reconnected in 2022 as friends, and at that time, he helped me cope during a very dark phase of my life. Later on, our friendship turned into love, and we started dating in 2023.
Our friendship was so beautiful and amazing, and I genuinely felt happy with him. However, while dating, our personalities clashed as we had attachment issues. He was an anxious person, and I was avoidant. This resulted in ugly fights throughout the relationship. It was quite frustrating, but we would eventually resolve the fights. However, the actual problem always persisted, and the reasons were small but always the same compatibility issues.
One major issue is that if he gets triggered during a fight, he becomes aggressive and starts hitting himself and throwing stuff around. This is my childhood trauma, so I am very protective of putting myself in such a situation. Despite my clear warnings that this is the one thing I will never put up with, it has happened 3 to 4 times. I know it is not his fault as he has a lot of past trauma which sometimes comes out like this.
But it is very scary for me. He has promised that it will never happen again, and I know he is a man of his word. Presently, my parents want me to get married soon. However, the issue is that he earns INR 60K per month, which is almost half of what I make. He is the sole earner and doesn’t own a house. So my parents don’t agree to our relationship and want me to end it and go for an arranged marriage.
I tried to explain that he had a rough past his father passed away just after college, and he had to build everything from scratch. He will need 2 to 3 years to become stable. However, my parents believe that there is no guarantee if he is going to make it or not. They don’t want to wait for him to become stable at 30 to 35 and see me working harder to run the house until then.
They also fear that once he sees that I am earning and taking responsibility, he will never step up and take charge as they have seen such instances happen in our close family. The thing is, we were also once very poor, and my parents sacrificed their entire lives to bring us out of that state. For the past five years, we have been leading a stable life. My parents fear that if I marry him, I will end up sacrificing my life to work hard and build everything from scratch, just like they did.
Moreover, we won’t be able to afford my current lifestyle after marriage, so it will be a downward shift for me. Plus, everybody in my community knows about his family background, and it is not considered good by their standards. Now, when I think of all this the financial security, the incompatibility, and the toxic fights. I am very confused if it is worth taking the risk and waiting two years to see if we can solve all this and get married with my parents’ full support.
Or what if, after two years, we don’t achieve our goals? What am I going to do then? It will be even harder for us to move on and live separate lives. Scenario 3 is: despite all the odds, we get married for love but end up screwing ourselves. I know that my parents won’t respect him, we might still fight every day like we do now, and there would be no financial security.
I fear that we will start resenting each other and become two frustrated people living together. However, I am scared that whatever decision I take, it is going to hurt him, as he loves me deeply.
Question: Should I continue this relationship or not?
Option 1: Yes, love is enough
Option 2: No, think practically
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com or Telegram @PraveenPandu