I’m a 24 years old male, a software engineer living in a tier1 city, originally from a small village. I’ve worked incredibly hard to reach where I am today freelancing during college, funding my own education, and building a career from scratch. Even though my family was financially well off, I deliberately avoided their help wherever possible. I didn’t want their money l wanted their love, which they never gave. That absence made me build a strong sense of self worth and ego. I take pride in being self made. I have no doubts about my abilities or my future. But my biggest insecurity isn’t about me it’s about my family.
I come from a rigid joint family, where control and outdated beliefs dominate. My father is the only one married among his brothers. One uncle was disowned for marrying outside our caste, later divorced, and now struggles with mental health. Another is unmarried but financially well off. But it’s my brother who breaks me. He has Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Hoarding Disorder. Once a brilliant student, now he isolates himself, plays Dream11 to survive, refuses treatment, and lives in unhygienic conditions.
I’ve tried everything therapy, psychiatry, encouragement but he’s in denial. My parents, bound by superstition, gave up long ago. They don’t grasp the seriousness. My uncles pretend like he doesn’t exist. I’ve even considered quitting my job to get him admitted and support him. But with no family backing, people warned me if something went wrong, I’d be blamed, accused of wanting property or worse. So I stepped back. Not by choice, but because I had no choice.
My brother is jobless, and he can’t understand how his condition is shaping my life too. And honestly, I can’t even blame him he’s unaware of his own reality. That’s what hurts the most. I’m scared that in the future, I’ll be the one carrying the weight of everyone in my family. Even though I don’t like them, I know I won’t be able to abandon them. If I did, the guilt would eat me alive. Another deep fear I carry is marriage. I know what I bring to the table. I’m financially independent, principled, and emotionally aware.
But why would someone want to marry into a family like mine? I feel like my brother’s illness and my family’s ignorance have become stains on my life. I even took medical tests to confirm it’s not hereditary, so I can be sure my future children won’t be affected. Still, I can’t bring myself to fall in love or even propose to someone. I’m a virgin by choice not out of fear, but because I want my first time to be with someone I love and respect. I want a marriage rooted in honesty and connection.
But I’m scared scared that my background will drag someone else down. That loving me might be a burden for them. And more than that, I don’t want my wife to see me as a CTC or a property value. I can’t respect that. I’m more than a job title or a salary. I want to be loved for the way I think, for my mindset, my morals, and how I choose to live my life. All I’ve ever wanted is to create the kind of family I never had one filled with real love, freedom, and support. But even after everything I’ve fought for and achieved, I still suffer for things I can’t control.
I’ve never begged God to save me or to give me something. I’m actually grateful to Him for giving me a healthy body and a mind that can think. That alone is more than many people get. But for this one thing my brother, my family, my future God is the only hope I have left. This is my biggest insecurity. Not who I am but where I come from, and how it overshadows everything I try to build.