I am 32 years female currently living in the Bay Area. I came here when I was 25 to do my masters. Later, I got married through an arranged marriage. My husband had his green card approved. We met a couple of times in the US before the wedding, and then we both traveled to India to get married. Due to work commitments, we didn’t stay in India for long, less than a month, actually. Our engagement and wedding happened within a span of just 10 days. After 3 days of marriage, we came back to the US.
Since we were working in different cities and I had to attend office in person, I didn’t get to spend much time at his place, probably not even a full week before flying back. We didn’t get physically intimate during those days as we were waiting for the first night muhurtham. After that, we started meeting only once a month, either at my place or his. Around six months into the marriage, I came to know that he was not physically compatible (not good for sex).
I was emotionally shattered and had no idea what to do. I considered divorce, but he pleaded with me not to go ahead with it. He didn’t want this matter to become public or reach our families. He even told me that I could be with someone else if I wanted to, but just not to divorce him. Since I was staying in a different city, I slowly began getting closer to a colleague (Telugu) who was younger than me. Eventually, we started having a physical relationship. Six months later, our job contracts ended and we both lost our jobs.
I then moved to my husband’s city, but by then he had shifted to another place and didn’t want to meet me anymore. He was in a relationship with someone else by that time. That was when I found out I was pregnant, Only my husband and I know that the child is not biologically his. Since then, our parents have started visiting us every six months, so I haven’t been able to step out or continue any kind of my personal life. Honestly, I feel like i am living in a jail. I don’t know how to express this to anyone.
I can’t even prove that he is not compatible physically because to do that, I have to tell everything which I have done, including the fact that the child is not his. I doubt my parents would believe me, and even if they did, I don’t know how they will react after knowing about X life. I feel like the biggest mistake I made was agreeing to stay with him even after realizing the truth. Or perhaps, getting involved with someone else without thinking of the consequences. At the very least, I should have taken precautions to avoid pregnancy.
Now, I feel like my entire life is messed up. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to check for physical compatibility before marriage itself.