I loved a girl in college for 3 years. She was everything I needed in a wife except for her appearance and naïve behavior. I tried grooming her for 2 years, but it didn’t work. Apart from kissing, we never did anything physical. We eventually separated because I thought I deserved better. There were multiple reasons: caste, her overly simple nature, and the fact that neither of us had a career at the time.
Still, I must admit she helped me with my studies and job preparation something I was never able to repay. After 2 years, I fell in love with a colleague. She was outgoing, smart, and seemed deeply in love with me. Despite being modern, she had surprisingly traditional habits disciplined, cooked food, into bhajan kirtan. She knew I wouldn’t marry a non virgin girl as I was a virgin myself.
Still, I had suspicions about her past. Just 2 to 3 months later, I caught her cheating on me in broad daylight. I was shattered, suicidal. I felt like God was punishing me for what I did to my college ex karma, perhaps. I changed companies and tried to move on. Fast forward 3 years. I was financially settled, earning decently, but had no love in my life.
I started getting good matrimonial matches, since I’m fairly well blessed. But deep down, I questioned the idea of getting married just because I had money. I remembered seeing a girl once in my campus. After 2 to 3 months of searching on matrimony sites, I sent her a request on Instagram. She was from the same caste; everything seemed to match. I was happy.
After talking for a month, she told me she was in a relationship she couldn’t escape. I thought she was joking she seemed from a reputed family. I was shattered again. I tried to move on. Then she confessed that it was her final wish to meet me in person. I agreed. That’s when she disclosed that she wasn’t a virgin anymore but it happened because her boyfriend had blackmailed her.
I decided to help her get out of that situation and then go no contact. But she reminded me so much of my college ex couldn’t leave her just because of her past. It was incredibly hard for me to accept the idea of marrying a non virgin girl, but I decided to send a Rishta to her family. Meanwhile, we were still secretly fighting to get rid of her blackmailing ex.
I even lied to my family to avoid doing a background check on her. Up to the wedding day, I was scared, I had staked my entire family’s reputation for this girl. But her truthful nature made me believe in her. I hoped something good would come from the marriage. Fast forward to 8 months into the marriage there hasn’t been a single day without her yelling that her life is “not happening,”.
How she was a free bird in her maayka, with no restrictions on sleep or food habits. We expect her to wake up by 9 a.m. and adjust in small matters, but she insists it’s too much. She works from home, cooks one meal a day for me, and calls me a dictator for correcting her. She was pampered at her home and was never held accountable. I can no longer look her in the eyes with the love I once had.
I feel betrayed this time on a much bigger scale. So many of my dreams and aspirations are in vain just because I believed in the wrong person. What’s the point of all the money I earn when there’s no one to love? What went wrong?
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: Divorce (I cannot tolerate unaccountability)
Option 2: Counseling
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