When I was in high school, I fell in love with a guy. Initially, we were good friends. I knew him as a broken guy with a breakup story. He came for a vacation to his aunt’s house, which was next to mine. I always spent time at his aunt’s house we studied, had lots of fun, talked a lot, and everything was going smoothly.
One day, he approached me, but at that time, I refused because I didn’t know what I felt for him. I also thought that since he had recently gone through a breakup, it might just be an attraction. Things continued as normal until he left. I really missed him and he missed me too. We kept talking over the phone. At exactly 7 PM, he would call me every day, and everything went so well.
Eventually, I developed feelings for him. But then, suddenly, he ghosted me. I didn’t know what happened. Later, I found out he had patched things up with his ex-girlfriend. That was the first time I had truly loved someone, and it broke me. Later, I entered college near his city totally unexpected. He texted me, and we started talking again. One day, he came to my college to meet me. He was single at that time.
We spent a lot of time together, and he approached me again. I really loved him, but there were trust issues. After a few days, he asked me, “What is our relationship?” and we both confessed our love. A year passed with lots of memories, little fights, and misunderstandings, but I never thought he would cheat on me. He said, “I’m not responsible for this. Your parents will never accept us.”
He gave that as a reason for what he had done to me and then I left him. But I couldn’t get over him. My family didn’t like him. I fought for him so many times that it caused a detachment from my family. I lost focus on my academics and started losing interest in everything. I was depressed for a long time. I decided to move on, but then he came back.
He told me about his breakup the girl had cheated on him and I really felt bad for him because I knew how painful that is. So I stayed with him and listened to everything he had to say. Then, he asked me a favor to please talk to her and explain how much he was suffering without her. I did it because I wanted him to be happy. But the girl refused and told me he was very toxic. Deep down, I already knew that because I had also suffered.
We decided to just be friends, but slowly that turned into something else. He told me he was in love with me. The truth is, I still love him more than anything. I forgave him for what he did to me. But at the same time, I still have trust issues. That’s why I decided to be in a casual relationship with him because I can’t leave him, and I can’t get over my high school love.
Question: Is it okay to be with him?
1. Should I leave him and try to move on?
2. Or what else can I do?
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