So the thing is, we met each other through our best friend. We are totally different people and stayed connected for months through phone calls and social media. We never ever met, even while living in the same city. Then he started avoiding me. This happened many times, he disappeared for months and then reappeared.
Finally, when I went for my graduation in another city, I confessed, and then we took a step forward. But I was always hurt that he had set boundaries and never told me too much. Maybe boys are like this. I never saw any effort from his side. We used to call once every two days for about an hour, and he used to sleep early without saying goodnight. I definitely knew he didn’t sleep that early.
Eventually, I got tired of it and broke up. For the first time, he wrote a paragraph for me, and then we ended things. We never talked again, but there were no hard feelings. Now, after 6 years, he has come back and is putting in a little more effort. He is expressing himself more, but I still feel he’s not giving enough time. We meet once a week, and he never calls me.
In a whole day, we exchange just 10 to 12 messages, and we only chat for 2 hours at night. I appreciate that he’s chatting while working, but I never know when he sleeps. After saying goodnight, there’s a 10 hours gap before a good morning message. No one sleeps that much. I feel like I still don’t know anything about him.
Sometimes, I shout too much and then feel bad. I keep thinking about him, and it feels like he doesn’t care enough. Because when you’re in love, you make time for your loved ones and I don’t feel that from him. Another issue is that I’m unable to trust him. I don’t know what he does all day. I don’t know too much about him. I keep asking myself: after all these years, why did he remember me now?
He is very rich, so there must be many girls around him. There’s always a fear what if he starts doing the same thing he did in the past? Maybe he’s serious this time, but due to family differences, things won’t work out. As I said, we are totally different. He’s extroverted, and I’m introverted, among many other differences.
There’s always a question: how long is this going to last, and what’s the expiry date? When he’s at the office, it’s impossible to reach him. And other guys my friends make time for me whenever I need them. When I asked him about the past, he said he was immature and knew that no matter what he did, I would stay. So what if he still thinks that way now?
This is the reality. Sometimes I want to leave him, but I just can’t end things like this. There will be regret my first love came back, so why did I let him go? Apart from him, I’m also confused about my career. I can see many options in front of me, but they’re hard to achieve. Sometimes I feel like I should just get a job and stop studying. And even in this, I think about him.
What if I leave the city for a job? There will be another big gap, and for now, he’s giving me only one day a week. Then I’ll lose him. But deep down, I know I’ll be fine if things end. It’s just that I don’t want to leave because he has half the qualities I’ve been searching for. I’ve never loved anyone else the way I love him.
Even though I was in relationships with others in between, he was and is the only one I’ve truly loved. But I’ve never been able to trust him. Also, everyone tells me to stop talking to him, and now no one even wants to hear about him. That’s also an issue.
Question: Should I stop overthinking and continue talking to him?
1. Yes
2. No
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