I sincerely hope that the admins keep this confession anonymous. I come from just another lower middle class orthodox Indian family who raise their daughters to get them married off to someone decent or to fulfil their unsatiated aspirations. After completing graduation in 2015 with 58% from a State University, I wanted to pursue a job as a fresher in any corporate company and join a regular M.Com course in the evening shift.
But my parents insisted I study for Government jobs. They had a preconceived notion that private jobs are not safe for women, that women employees are exploited, and that they would never be able to get me married to a decent family. I kept appearing for numerous Government exams and was unable to clear any. Back then, I was already in a steady relationship which eventually culminated in marriage in 2019.
His family was also against private sector, low paying jobs. Ironically, both my husband and my brother in law are IT professionals working in MNCs. In 2016, I forcefully joined an M.Com course in distance mode. I successfully completed it. However, the session was 2016 to 2018. The Part II exams were scheduled for December 2018 and continued till January 2019, and the results were out in June 2019.
I secured 52.5%. Pursuing an MBA was not feasible for two primary reasons. Firstly, my parents didn’t have the financial means to sponsor my MBA. Secondly, even if I had taken out a student loan and enrolled, my parents wouldn’t have allowed me to work in a private company. After appearing for my M.Com 2nd year in January 2019 and while awaiting results, I got married to my boyfriend in March 2019.
My relatives started criticising me, calling me dull and talentless. Honestly, I was never interested in Government jobs; I only prepared and appeared for the sake of my family. My original area of interest was and still is Literature. I wanted to study Comparative Literature but was forced to take up “at least Commerce,” if not Science.
I thought after marriage I would be able to pursue any course or competitive exams with a new perspective since we had two domestic helps at my in-laws’ place. But just like an average Indian in-law family, they expected their daughter-in-law to be an expert in household work. My father-in-law even called my mother and insulted her for not teaching me household chores.
In these 6 years of marriage, my mother has only visited us twice and was insulted badly each time. She told me, “Now that you are married, you must learn household chores.” I gradually started learning every nuance of household work. My life became confined to the kitchen. I was mentally tormented. I cried; I wanted to scream.
My husband “religiously” filled out examination forms for competitive exams, bought me books and stationery, but never once did he ask what I really wanted. He believed I had the capability to crack a Government exam, but never cared whether I wanted to. In 2023, he got an onsite opportunity to Italy, and I thought I would finally have a life of my own.
But then I came to know my in-laws only sent me with him for the purpose of having a child. This idea of being sent solely for that reason disheartened me. We tried but failed. We had a rough patch. In 2025, we came back to India, and now I am being taunted for not being able to conceive. I have PCOD. I feel like I’ve ruined my husband’s life. I am not able to live up to my parents’ expectations either.
Suicidal thoughts keep fleeting through my mind because I don’t think I’m good enough for a private job now, I haven’t learned anything relevant. I feel like I failed as a housewife too. I’m afraid that even if I somehow deliver a baby, I will fail as a mother. I feel stuck. I don’t want to bring a new life into this world when mine feels so broken. I don’t want my child to grow up hearing.”
All my classmates have working mothers and here you are, doing nothing.” Domestic work is mostly considered equivalent to “nothing.” It’s very likely my child would hear this from grandparents and toxic relatives. I want financial independence but not at the cost of my modesty. I want to do a desk job. My computer knowledge is limited to Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.
What skill set should I develop for an office job with a B.Com (Hons) and M.Com (Distance) degree? I have never done Accounts Receivable or Accounts Payable jobs on a computer. What other degrees or industry relevant courses can I pursue now? Also, if I can pursue any literature course now, what are the career options after that?
P.S. Before you comment “You should have prioritised your career earlier,” please take note that at that point in time, my priorities were different. As we are all different individuals, it is perfectly alright to have different priorities at different times. If you don’t have any opinion regarding the employment options that can be availed with my existing degrees, please refrain from commenting.
Also, I don’t want to divorce my husband or stay separate from my in-laws. I just want a financial foothold without compromising my modesty and ethics.
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: Look for jobs with my existing qualification
Option 2: Pursue a relevant course (mention if any)
Option 3: Start a business (mention ideas)
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com