There’s this guy who is my mom’s relative, just few years older than me. In our culture, marrying within extended family like this is normal. During my college days, I reached out to him for advice about college and jobs since he was a couple of years ahead of me. At that time, I didn’t realize he might have had romantic feelings for me; I thought it was just a normal friendship.
After college, we lost contact for several years but not on bad terms. Then, out of the blue, he texted me saying he was near my workplace and wanted to meet. When I tried to meet him, he wasn’t reachable by his usual phone, and I even ended up talking to his mother when I called an old number. Later, when we met, I sensed he didn’t want his mother to know about our meeting, which felt a bit odd.
Shortly after, he asked for help with a project, but I started feeling the situation might be heading towards something I didn’t want especially because I don’t like his father(some history with family). I never wanted to mislead him or complicate things, so I didn’t respond well and gradually stopped engaging. About a year later, his father sent a marriage proposal for me, but I clearly refused.
My parents would have agreed if I wanted to proceed. Later, I met him briefly at a funeral, and I could sense he was angry or unhappy with me, but I didn’t get a chance to talk or explain. Years passed with no real communication or closure. I only recently found out he said “yes” to marry another girl from the extended family, and I worry he might have agreed under pressure or as some kind of revenge.
I also feel guilty because I think he might believe I chose not to be with him for money or other reasons, while really my issue was with his father. Real problem was I never knew he liked me in that way, not a single conversation about that. I have spoken to him in person once and on call once over all these year, except for seeing each other at family events occasionally.
I feel terrible and guilty, wondering if he suffered because of me and if he ever got closure. I want to apologize or explain but can’t do so directly, and the guilt is eating me up.
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