I’m a 23 years old girl. My parents are divorced and both are living their own lives and enjoying themselves, while my siblings and I live alone in our house. We talk to both of them, and they visit us monthly. It’s all good, and the bond is fine, but obviously, we don’t feel loved enough. Back in 2023, I found a guy on Instagram and he was 27 years old who sent me a request, and I accepted. We talked for two months and met 5 to 6 times before he left for Canada.
We had a good bond and understanding, but his weak point was lust. I knew from day one that he was very lustful. Considering his age, I let it go because I thought it’s natural at this age. I kept thinking, “At least he loves me.” He always claimed he did, and even now he still does. After he went to Canada, our bond remained the same. We talk daily for hours through messages, calls, and sometimes video calls.
But he keeps insisting I send him nude pictures, saying things like “We’re going to get married soon, and we only have each other, so we should do this.” I never sent them, obviously. His family knows about me, he’s just waiting for my family’s approval. He requests my naked pictures many times, and as usual, I decline. Every time I do, he gets upset and doesn’t talk to me for hours.
Then later, he apologizes and says he wants to stay together, which makes me believe that he really loves me and that he’s just giving me silent treatment out of anger. But the truth is, I get traumatised every time. Once a month, this happens. Whenever I decline his request, he becomes furious and disappears for 2 to 3 hours, then comes back acting like nothing happened. He says “I just take my time.”
He has no control over his lust and openly admits he won’t even have control when he meets me. But on the other hand, he keeps saying he loves me and that our bond is so close he doesn’t want to lose me. My heart sinks at the thought of leaving him, but I also can’t stay with him, because deep down I know that once he gets what he wants, he might leave.
I could leave before he uses me, but he never lets me go. Whenever I try to break up, he messages my mother and sister, saying, “How can you let her go?” That scares me. He’s not a bad person he has talked to his mom about me, and his family knows about me. But sometimes he behaves very unreasonably. There are moments when he becomes extremely lustful and desperate and talks about the things he wants to do when he comes back.
Even after all this time talking, I still don’t know if it’s love or just lust from his side. I’m 80% sure he told his family about me and intends to meet my parents. I asked him to wait 8 more months until my parents return so both families can talk. He agreed but said, “Don’t stop me from being physical.” He also said, “If you want, we can do a court marriage before and then a proper one with the families later.”
He acts excited, desperate, and lustful whenever we talk about intimacy. Is this love or lust? What should I do? Because of his mood swings and lust, I’ve tried to break up with him several times. Each time, he convinces me not to go. He behaves nicely for a month, then starts with the same requests and desperation again. This guy confuses me so much. I’m at a crossroads and feel helpless.
I can’t let him go because after my parents, he’s been my only emotional attachment but I’m scared. I fear that once he gets what he wants, he’ll use me and throw me away. What should I do? Please help. Is it love or lust? This is draining me mentally and physically every day. I’m scared of being used.
Question: What should I do? I’m genuinely confused.
1. Guys please help. You understand how other guys think.
2. Girls I need your help too.
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