My boyfriend is 27 years has a best friend that he dated-what he told me was for three months, but it was actually a situationship that lasted eight months. The two of them joined our friend group about a year and a half before my boyfriend and I started dating. I tried to be friends with both of them. The girl never really cared to be my friend because she was always “so busy.”
After they “broke up,” she found a new guy within the next month, moved in with him after a year, and got pregnant (I suspect to lock him down and finally have that baby she wanted). They eventually got married that same year. Six months after my boyfriend and his best friend “broke up,” we started dating. When I talked to her about it, she told me she didn’t care and that it was totally fine.
But now I see how much she messages him and makes time for him, and I’m realizing she never liked me to begin with. My boyfriend thinks he shouldn’t lose a friend because of a relationship, and feels like I’m trying to take that away from him-when in reality, I’m just uncomfortable with him going to her for advice, especially when she clearly doesn’t like me. We’ve tried to make compromises.
But he still does what he wants and doesn’t care how I feel. When we’re together in a group, she makes comments to highlight how well she knows him and that she’s known him longer. When they say goodbye, they hug for an uncomfortably long time-because, as he says, he went into the military and it was a “goodbye for who knows how long” and a “I’m sorry you didn’t make it, but I’m glad you’re back” hug.
Still, I think it was too long. There’s always an excuse for anything they do. For example, a year into our relationship, he was invited to this best friend’s friend’s wedding with no plus-one and was told he couldn’t bring anyone. Yet he was invited-even as his best friend’s ex? It’s just weird things like that which make me feel like I’m being insecure, but in my opinion.
It’s just a way for my boyfriend to stay avoidant while his ex keeps him close so she can remain his #1 girl. I feel like she is really his partner, and I’m just a girl who’s there for a good time, not a long time. I’ve tried to talk to the rest of the group about it, but they don’t seem to notice anything wrong and love that they remained friends.
Question: Is this relationship between my boyfriend and his best friend toxic, or am I just being insecure?
Option 1: That relationship is toxic
Option 2: You’re insecure
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