I had a very traumatic past, had a college time boyfriend for 7 years. He abused me emotionally, mentally, and physically. Just because I come from a dysfunctional family where there was no love, I felt he loved me because of the support he gave me during moments my family abandoned me. I tolerated all the abuse so that I could have a future with him.
Then, just 6 months ago, after tremendous hard work, I was sent onsite to a new country. Here, through my roommate, I met a new guy. I had no interest in approaching him romantically at all. I was still in a long distance relationship with my college boyfriend. But this new guy relentlessly chased me. So I met him a few times just to make a friend. It gets too lonely in a new country you need friends to survive.
My college boyfriend, being his usual self, accused me of cheating on him with the new guy, and this time it was too much for me. So I broke up with him, blocked him everywhere, and never looked back. At the same time, I decided I’d date this new guy who was so interested in me that he said he loved me the first time we got intimate. He was really well spoken, educated, decent, and had been settled abroad for almost a decade.
He seemed ideal. I wasn’t really looking for anything serious because I had just come out of a very long, traumatic relationship. This guy told me he couldn’t get involved with anyone without love that he was looking to date to marry and settle (he is 6 years older than me). I believed everything he said at face value and changed my mind. I’m not getting any younger, I want to get married and settle down too, start a family.
He kind of motivated me to move out of my shared accommodation and get a studio apartment. That felt like a good idea. So he asked me to move in with him until I found the new apartment. I moved in with him. Then started the things which were too shocking for me he started having problems with even the smallest things in my personality. I have been smoking for the last 4 years.
I started because of the mental torture from my ex and then just couldn’t quit. This guy knew it from the beginning. He started by saying he couldn’t imagine his future wife and the mother of his children smoking. I agreed to give that up. I’ve been a vegetarian since childhood. Just to try everything and sometimes when my friends/colleagues/bosses asked, I ate a little bit of chicken.
But I just can’t have it as a meal. He started forcing me to eat chicken because he is non-vegetarian. There would be fights because he would cook chicken and I’d only eat the curry or rice, not the pieces. I have a very stressful and critical job. It is in the banking and IT domain. I am fairly young for the responsibilities I’ve been given, and I work for 12 to 14 hours every day.
This guy wants me to go out and run 10 km with him because staying inside is suffocating for him. He tells me I’ve made his life suffocating and that he feels lost. He got me pregnant and made me have an abortion. While I was suffering, he kept giving me the silent treatment. When the bleeding reduced and we went outside for a walk one day, I casually said how relieved I was that it was finally kind of over.
He said to me that yes, he was so terrified seeing how I was behaving he couldn’t imagine how he’d manage when we actually have a planned pregnancy. He said he’d go crazy. He couldn’t even wait until the bleeding stopped to say this. There are so many things like this, but the water just went above my head when I hosted a dinner for my super boss who came to visit for 4 days and somebody cooked chicken for him and I tasted it.
He gave me the silent treatment for 2 days and then said he was losing feelings for me because I ate that piece of chicken. That was the last straw for me. I packed my bags at 1 in the night and left for my apartment. But my heart is not able to believe that after I bared my soul to him, he could say he lost feelings over a piece of chicken. Should I try to go back to him?
Question: Should I go back to him? Is he a good person who’ll stand with me if we get married?
Option 1: Yes, he is a good person
Option 2: No, he’s a narcissist who will drain me
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