I am a 28 years old woman. I got married in 2022 through an arranged marriage to a man from India who was working in the United States on an H-1B visa. Before our wedding, he was kind, caring, and affectionate. On our wedding night, he had a high fever, and within 10 days he had to return to the US. Because those days were filled with post-wedding ceremonies and family obligations, our marriage was never physically consummated. Four months later, I came to USA on an H-4 visa.
Even after we started living together, we were unable to have a physical relationship. Whenever I tried to talk about it, he would avoid the conversation. Eventually, he told me that he had acid reflux and that the medication he was taking was affecting his ability to get an erection. I trusted him completely. I spent hours researching his condition, encouraged him to follow an alkaline diet, and did everything I could to support him, hoping that things would eventually improve.
As the months went by, nothing changed, and the lack of physical intimacy began to take a serious toll on our marriage. Our relationship gradually deteriorated. He became emotionally abusive, frequently insulting both me and my family. He would deliberately start arguments during happy occasions, making every celebration stressful. To everyone else, we appeared to be a happy couple, but behind closed doors, he constantly criticised and be littled me.
He blamed me for losing 350 lakhs in the stock market, body-shamed me, and repeatedly compared me to American women, saying he preferred them over Indian women. He even told me that during our arranged marriage meetings, he had not really looked at me because he was too busy working two jobs. Since I was on an H-4 visa and was not authorised to work at the time, he also mocked me for not earning an income and made me feel as though I was a burden rather than his wife.
Within six months, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I told my parents everything. They immediately asked me to return to India. Both families met, and I explained everything face to face. We asked for a divorce, but my in-laws requested more time, saying he would consult a doctor and things would get better. I returned to the USA after two months, hoping for a change, but nothing improved. He never properly consulted a doctor, and even the blue pills he took didn’t help.
Instead of accepting the truth, he manipulated me by saying we could have an open marriage because, according to him, sex wasn’t everything and he just wanted a wife to maintain his image in society. Eventually, he admitted that he was not physically fit, and we decided to end the marriage. He didn’t even come to India for the divorce proceedings and attended every court hearing online.
It’s been a year since my divorce, and I still get random flashbacks of the hurtful things he said to me. Every time I remember those moments, I relive the same pain. During the divorce, I went through depression and constantly questioned why this had happened to me. Over time, I realised that some situations in life are beyond our control, and the only thing we can do is accept them and move forward.
Society often treats divorce as something shameful, but at the end of the day, it’s your life, not society’s. Never stay in a toxic marriage just to please other people. Today, I don’t see divorce as a failure. In fact, I feel fortunate that I had the courage to leave because many people spend their entire lives trapped in unhappy marriages. I will always be grateful to my parents for standing by me and supporting me through the most difficult time of my life. Mostly all the men are like this please watch out.