So we live in the same area. He lives on the back street and they have a store where I used to go once in a while. That’s where I saw him. We didn’t know each other for many years. One fine day in 2019, I saw a guy waving at me near a petrol bunk, it was the same guy from the store. Never had I ever experienced a random guy bumping into me like that. I felt… “ohh!” Days passed.
He used to smile at me and wave. Being a girl, you can understand when someone’s interested in you. Likewise, I had a feeling he was, and one day, we exchanged numbers because my mom asked me to give 20 kg of mangoes at their store for sale. So, the conversation started. Within two months, he said he was interested in me. If I agreed, his people would ask my parents for marriage.
But I was still in my 1st year of degree with a long way to go, so I politely said no it wasn’t the right age for me. He was okay with it. He used to pull my leg and enjoy irritating me, he used to flirt. A year passed, we had on and off talks. I was uncertain about my feelings. I had an intuition that things might get toxic with my family if I got into a relationship with him.
I asked him many times to marry someone else, someone who could take care of him, but he always said, “If it’s you, I’m okay. Otherwise, I don’t want any responsibility in life.” Another year passed. I became emotionally connected to him. Though he irritated me, I got attracted to him intellectually, mentally, physically, and whatnot. January 1, 2022, was the day I realized I was completely into him.
We went on a long, unexpected bike ride. But he already knew I had feelings for him. Later, I analyzed my safety. I had built trust his mother became a pillar for us, and his brothers knew about us. But the major conflict was the 15 years age gap and my toxic family. I clearly told him when I realized my feelings that this wouldn’t be practical for a long term relationship.
I wanted to marry the man I love, but it wouldn’t be possible until I reached a good position which may take 5 years. He motivated me, saying this would work, and reminded me that even my parents had a 12 years age gap. We had all four C’s in our relationship: compatibility, communication, chemistry, and commitment.
A year passed, and he worked hard in a new stream to show my parents he could take care of me. But now his family is pressuring him to get married. He wanted me to confess our relationship to my parents. Initially, I wasn’t ready for marriage, but I understood the societal pressure on him. He was getting older and was worried about my future with him.
It wasn’t easy to convince my parents, and he wasn’t ready to run away with me. Communication worsened. He started ghosting me. He kept joking about not marrying me so I’d feel pressured to talk to my parents. I used to feel terrible. I took every risk to spend time with him, but he was always busy. Out of anger, I called him and said, “Go! Go get married! Put your profile on a matrimony site.”
His mother, who loved me dearly and treated me beautifully, became upset when I ranted to her out of anger. After two days, he put his profile on a matrimony site. I thought, “Whatever. He’s mine anyway.” I even changed his pictures on the profile jokingly. Then suddenly, he called me out for coffee. I went, excited and happy.
But he told me his family had finalized two matches and they were serious about getting him married. I was shattered. I cried. I didn’t want to lose him. I had to write my finals in a week, I couldn’t mess things up with my parents either. I managed to write my exams first and then deal with this. Though it haunted me, I didn’t let it ruin my career.
Then came the time his family held two matches. He said we should give up the relationship and that it was the wrong time to confess. But I didn’t want to. I spoke to his mother and convinced both of them that I would tell my parents. They agreed. But he was like, “Tell them politely. If they agree, we’ll marry. Otherwise, no.”
I told my dad, with a lot of fear. On Day 1, my dad was okay. But on Day 2, he showed a dark side. I got scared he would ruin my boyfriend’s life, so I scolded my dad and told my boyfriend to take care of his life. In March 2024, I told my dad. But back in December 2023, his mom had already spoken to my mom. My mom reacted neutrally since she couldn’t help my life decisions are in my dad’s hands.
So, everyone around my boyfriend pressured him. One week later, his brother called my dad to ask if he would accept the proposal. My dad politely said no. I asked my boyfriend for more time until I finish my final year and told him if my parents still didn’t agree, I would choose him over anyone. But he left me. He chose to marry a rich woman due to family pressure.
After involving me in every way possible (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually), he gave up on me and blamed me for triggering him to put up his profile. Now, I’ve risked everything by disclosing the relationship. I still love him, but all our efforts went in vain. It feels like he didn’t love me enough. He moved on, but I feel like I’ll never be able to love someone else the same way. It feels like I was played.
Even his mother, who was so sweet to me for 2.5 years, said, “You asked us to put up the profile, now stop crying and listen to your parents.” Twelve days after I told my parents (and faced abuse from them), he got engaged to the rich girl, saying he had no other option to escape the stress. I don’t really know if it’s my fault. He left me because of situations.
Question: Was he right to give up on me in a month over my fault even after I’m facing abuse from my family for him?
1. He left to avoid external pressure on us.
2. He should have tried and fought for me.
3. I lost because I triggered him to put up the profile.
4. I feel like I was played
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com