I married my husband through an arranged marriage after years of a difficult matrimony search, as my family was strict about caste. I belong to a well to do family where we always had the luxury of a big house in a posh area of Mumbai, luxury cars, foreign vacations, good education, and nutritious food. I was also an intelligent student who was always a topper and built my career with my parents’ support.
I earn 5 lakhs a month through my medical profession. Culturally, we came from a traditional, old-school family where I always believed in respecting parents, doing household work to be self reliant, and learning cooking and driving as life skills. Along with my career, I am also a good homemaker. I married a man 5 years older than me, from a middle-class family, who is just unambitious and lazy with zero dreams in life.
At the time of our marriage, I accepted the fact that he earned just 1 lakh a month and lived in a small 1 bedroom house with his family. I thought he would change and that the adjustment would be temporary. But even at the age of 40, he makes just under 2 lakhs a month and acts like he has achieved everything just because he upgraded to a 2 bedroom home and a car.
He calls me greedy because I want to establish a good private practice. He often criticises me for my foreign vacations, parties with friends and cousins, my Pilates classes, parlour appointments, my clothing brands, my liking for jewellery even my car and my iPhone. I’m not asking him to pay for any of it; in fact, I offer him the same life I’m living.
But this man doesn’t like anything that interests me. The only thing he and his family care about is judging people by their character and the clothes women wear, and talking endlessly about how great Indian culture is and how strictly they follow their rules. It literally irritates me. And my husband has just one passion in life, he always wants sex, talks about his sex fantasies and fetishes, which completely turns me off and makes me feel like running away.
He looks way too old for his age, whereas I look younger because of my lifestyle, so I don’t even feel attracted to him. For him, marriage was just free access to sex. Although I haven’t cheated yet, I just hate him and feel suffocated in their home. If I even consider divorce, my parents would be devastated, as they can’t imagine it and the reputation of my family would become an issue.
These people have such fragile egos that they won’t even consider upgrading their life or living well. Instead, they keep taunting me as a spoilt kid and defame my character. Recently, I met a family friend who is also unhappy in his arranged marriage, and we connected so well that I broke down in front of him. We’ve spent time together 3 to 4 times.
Now, I’m at a mental state where if I meet him once more, I won’t be able to control myself, and it will spark into an affair. I’m trying to control myself, but at the same time, I hate my husband from the bottom of my heart and feel guilty.
Question: What is the solution to my case? Please answer without judging harshly.
Option 1: Start an affair with the friend and find happiness
Option 2: Adjust and sacrifice my dreams in marriage
Option 3: Divorce and marry this friend
Option 4: Suicide
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