It’s a long story. I was in a relationship with a guy from 12th grade. He was very serious and truly loved me. He would always tell me I was a “good girl.” I had a few relationships before him, but nothing physical just the typical childhood stuff or what we might call “mistakes.” I always had my limits and never crossed them. Honestly, I wasn’t attracted to him; he was average looking, and I didn’t want to fall in love back then because my focus was on my goals.
But he was so stubborn for two years fighting with his sister and family just for me. Even his sister asked me why I wasn’t saying yes to him. He was crazy about me and very caring. Eventually, I gave in. He made efforts, gave gifts, showed love he was a good guy. We dated and he never insisted on anything physical. We would meet in cafes. After two years, we met in a private space and lost our virginity to each other.
We were both serious, so it didn’t feel like a big deal. Six months later, our families found out and scolded us. He told his family about me, but they gave him an ultimatum: choose this girl or go abroad. His family said they would cut him off financially if he chose me. He chose abroad. We didn’t talk for 15 days. Then he gave me the reason: “Without money, I can’t give you a good life.” I accepted it. Soon, college started, I made new friends.
I missed him and insisted we meet, but because of his family, he didn’t. I got angry, we fought a lot. I had insecurities because he chose his career over me. I asked him to tell his cousin sister that we still talk, just for my peace of mind, but he didn’t. One day he came to meet me, but I was so angry I didn’t go. I was frustrated and broke up with him. But we still talked, hoping we would marry each other one day. I made a few friends, including one male friend.
We’d chat sometimes not like others, just casual “how are you” stuff. We had a good bond. He had a girlfriend, and I told him about my issues too. My ex was okay with the friendship at first, but then became insecure and told me to block my friend without a reason. I didn’t want to because that friend was genuinely kind and never crossed lines. I told him I’d distance myself slowly instead, but he said block him. We fought about it for two months.
Even then, we still wished each other on anniversaries. I begged him not to leave me. I didn’t want to end up with someone else after giving myself to him. But we were both stubborn. Out of frustration, I cursed him: “You’ll get everything money, success but never me.” He said, “Fine. I’ll never talk to you again.” After a month, my best friend told me he broke up. I’d always encouraged him to fix things, but his family issues were big. Later, as a prank, he proposed to me.
I knew it was a prank, so I decided to double prank him and said, “I like you.” He was shocked but got serious. I wanted to tell him it was a prank when we met, but he became so sincere, I didn’t have the heart. We started dating. Months later, my ex got his visa. He called to tell me. I was genuinely happy for him he’s a good person. But we didn’t meet. I wanted to patch up, but I was already in a relationship. I tried to break up with my boyfriend, but he thought I was using him.
So I told my ex that I’m not a virgin anymore, hoping he’d leave me. But he said, “I’m okay with it. Please don’t talk about this again.” Then my boyfriend broke up with me because some guys were teasing him for being Kashmiri and Muslim, while I’m a Sikh Punjabi girl. He ignored me for days and broke up. Then he came back, saying he couldn’t live without me. We got physical too, after he insisted a lot. Within a month, he broke up again after my family found out and he didn’t want complications.
But we still kept talking. He always said he didn’t want to continue the relationship, but then he’d come back. Then we broke up again because he said I was toxic and difficult. Again, we patched up. But this time, I found out he was also in contact with his ex turns out they never even broke up! I got angry and told her everything. I didn’t talk to him, but one day I called him crying after hearing he was gossiping about me. He reassured me I wasn’t just anyone to him.
We started talking again and eventually got into a relationship again. We’ve broken up 4 to 5 times, but always come back to each other. Now everything seems okay. He gives me time, respect, and love but in over 2 years, he’s never given me a gift. He sometimes asks if I want something, but come on, girls don’t ask directly we want the effort. Four days ago, we met he traveled from Bathinda to Ludhiana just to see me. We spent 5 to 6 hours together with no physical intimacy. It was sweet.
But when he came from home, he lost his wallet and didn’t have money to reach me. I offered to send him ₹1000 so he could travel. While eating, I paid too, thinking maybe he was really broke (he’s a 3rd year student). He always says he wants to marry me, but I’ll have to convert for Nikah. I’m okay with it I’m not very religious. He says our kids will follow Islam, and it’s up to me if I want to pray. I’m vegetarian; he eats meat but said he’ll never eat it in front of me or will cook separately. I accepted all this.
But still, sometimes I wonder is he using me? We’ve been long-distance for one and a half months, yet he wants to continue. I’m confused. Is he really a good person? Will he actually marry me? Now, after 2 years, my ex came back and said, “I’ve never had a vibe like you.” I respected that, but when I told him I got physical with my best friend when we were broken up, he said I cheated, that I’m characterless. That broke me.
We weren’t even together at that time. So I blocked him. And now I’m just focusing on my present relationship, even though my ex’s words keep haunting me like I’m a bad person.
Question: Did I do something wrong? Did I cheat on my ex?
Option 1: Should I leave my present boyfriend?
Option 2: Will my present boyfriend marry me?