I have never been in a relationship since the beginning of my life. I was preparing myself for it when I was 22 in college, but tragically, I was diagnosed with a brain hemorrhage. Though it was not a very serious illness at the time, I decided to give up on love and marriage even before I started. I believed that doing something while being fully aware of its consequences especially if it could affect another person’s life badly would mean betraying and playing with someone’s feelings and trust.
When I came to know about the disease, I felt I had no right to destroy someone’s life by engaging in casual relationships or situationships. I believe in committed relationships and the “one woman till death” theory. But with my illness, there was no guarantee how long anything would last. I didn’t want a woman to suffer or bear an additional burden because of me, so I decided to quit love and marriage altogether.
After a few normal years, I focused on work and got a job with a good package though 10% of my income goes toward my medicines every year. Still, I tried my best to keep myself standing. A month ago, a colleague at my workplace confessed her feelings for me. She told me she loves me and wants to start a relationship. I was stunned this was my first experience with something like this, as I’ve never had any dating or relationship history.
She lives in my colony, a floor above my room, and I have a good relationship with her family. I’ve helped them on several occasions during electricity cuts, groceries, festivals, and even financially. I didn’t hesitate to donate blood when her father met with an accident, thanks to my matching blood group. I believed it was my duty to help them as a responsible and good neighbor. Even at the office, I helped her with many projects and completed her tasks whenever she logged out early.
Although I behaved this way with everyone in the office. She was no exception, I also helped many colleagues get promotions, including her. Now, I’m in a dilemma. I don’t know how to say no to her. I’ve already told her about my disease and gave her a glimpse of what the future could look like how miserable her life might become because of it. But she still wants to be with me and wants me to accept her. I’ve told her several times to rethink her decision and that there’s no need to sacrifice her life for my illness.
I told her a thousand times that she can find someone better than me. I even told her I’d help her find that person. But she isn’t backing down. Now I’m confused about what I should do. I want to say no clearly, but I also don’t want to hurt her feelings or do anything that could spoil my relationship with her as a friend or with her family.