We were friends for 2 years and then it turned into love. But within a few months of dating, COVID came. Both of us went to our respective homes for the lockdown. After that, we continued our relationship long distance. As my parents were already looking for matches for arranged marriages, we thought of taking our relationship toward marriage. After a lot of struggle, both families agreed.
But after marriage, I felt like he had become a new person. Something had changed. He wasn’t like before back when we used to talk before COVID. He never discussed our wishes, plans, dreams, honeymoon, or travel like we had earlier. Within 2 months of marriage, I became unhappy with his behavior he remained silent most of the time and started asking me for my salary for everything.
He never told me what he was doing with his salary. We fought day by day. He never wanted to talk about the things we had planned before marriage. We didn’t have a proper newlywed phase. It was always arguments and fights mainly about what he was doing with money and he kept giving lame reasons. I even asked his parents (we were staying with them), and our mutual friends, about what was going on.
After 1.8 years of marriage, I figured out he had become addicted to online cricket betting and he had been doing it since the lockdown. I had seen him watching cricket many times, but I never realized he was putting money on it. Everything around me shattered. I blamed myself for not knowing. I got fooled multiple times by his lies, and my trust was completely broken.
After knowing the truth, I wanted a divorce. I couldn’t live in a marriage where trust was gone. But after intervention from our parents and friends, I decided to give it another chance. Still, he couldn’t quit his betting habit. I realized it had become an addiction. We tried counseling and everything, but nothing helped. He wasn’t willing to open up about how he got into it or whether he even wanted to come clean.
Elders said, “If a baby comes, things will get better.” Listening to their advice, I got pregnant. Now we have a beautiful baby. Even after seeing her, he didn’t change. I begged for divorce, but this time my parents didn’t agree and asked me to try one more time. After so many fights and confrontations, it’s been 5 months, he is clean now. But as husband and wife, we have no rapport.
Just for the baby’s sake, we are living in the same home but in different rooms. I’m struggling like hell with depression from past experiences, postpartum issues, and the challenges of being a working mother. All my dreams and wishes remain broken. All I ever wanted was a man who is open, honest, and trustworthy. When I look back, I realize I didn’t get any of that in this marriage.
I’m heartbroken. I blame myself every day for failing to truly know him his weaknesses, his character. What should I do now? Should I continue the marriage for the baby’s sake or take a divorce? But I’m really scared about divorce too. What about my baby? My parents? How will they face society? Even if I eventually agree to marry someone else what if that life turns out the same?
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