I got married around 8 months ago and was in a relationship with him for a year and a half before that. My previous relationships gave me major trust issues, and I wasn’t even looking for someone until my husband came along. My only condition for a relationship was loyalty and honesty because being lied to triggers something deep in me. When we started dating, my husband told me he had only 3 past relationships, and I was okay with that. I’ve hung out with his friends and even became friends with them.
Since we got married, I looked through his phone and discovered many more exes and hookups he had before he met me. And, to my shock, most of them were with people from the same group we still hang out with. I don’t have an issue with him having hookups or dating others before me. The problem is that he lied. He kept the truth from me for 2 years. Every time I discover something new, that’s when he decides to come clean. I’ve developed severe anxiety because I made it clear from the beginning that I can’t stand dishonesty.
Yet, he hid a huge part of his life from me. Now, I wonder what else he might be lying about because it seemed so easy for him to deceive me until I found out. There are days I fight with him because I can’t handle the fact that he lied. Now, he’s playing the victim, accusing me of digging too much into his past and creating problems. A few days ago, I found out about yet another girl, and when I confronted him, he had a severe anxiety attack, started hitting himself, scratched me, and grabbed my arm so tightly that it hurt.
Now, whenever I ask him about anything or any other girl, he says I’m triggering his anxiety and asks me to consider his mental health. But what about me? What about my mental health, dealing with all these lies? I’m so confused, angry, and torn I want to run away from him, but at the same time, I can’t bring myself to leave. To everyone saying not to dig up his past as long as nothing is happening now: I’ve caught him stalking all those girls constantly. Just recently, I saw him stalking his ex.
His entire Facebook and Instagram search history is a long list of girls. This isn’t just about the past anymore; it’s happening in the present. Since he lied about so much of his life, I’m not even sure if stalking is all he’s doing, or if there’s more. I’ve completely lost trust in him.