Hi, I’m from a village in Tamil Nadu, and my childhood was traumatic because of my relatives and abusive (verbally and physically he used to beat my mother and brother) father. I was molested and sexually used by them for 3 years, so I was scared to speak with any of my relatives. I have PTSD. My father didn’t give me the chance to choose my studies he just made me study whatever he wanted, and I did that.
He was never happy or satisfied with my education. I’m a Tamil medium student from a rural village who studied in an engineering college. Everything was new to me no one else in my class was from Tamil medium and I struggled a lot. They used to mock me for coming from a village, but still, I managed to study.
In my 3rd year, I met a guy. He had been following me for months, and one day, due to a fight at home, I said yes to him. We had only been in a relationship for 3 months when our families found out. I was stuck at a relative’s house, but after many struggles, I managed to continue my studies. His parents pushed for marriage. I refused, but they won. We got married in 2016 while I was still in my final year.
On the first day of marriage, my MIL and his mother told me they didn’t like me. I was stunned. My husband was only focused on sex, and I couldn’t stop him. I got pregnant. I didn’t want to keep the baby because I was only 18 and still studying. They made it into a big issue. They had tried to stop my education even before marriage.
My husband didn’t support me he suddenly became a mama’s boy and stayed silent while they accused me in front of my parents and relatives. I went back to my parents, aborted the baby, and continued my degree with the help of my uncle. Later, my husband came back and apologized. I went back, but they showed their true colors again, so I ran away.
I couldn’t return to my parents, so I used to sit at bus stands, overwhelmed by depression and pressure. They demanded dowry, even though they had claimed they didn’t want anything before marriage. Even now, they still ask for it. After months, I got pregnant again. They forced me to do household chores, even though I couldn’t walk due to morning sickness and constant vomiting.
They didn’t care, but my husband took care of me at that time. No one from his family supported me during pregnancy. All I received was scolding, and I sank deeper into depression. After the baby was born, my FIL, drunk, beat me and broke my husband’s hand. So we moved to my parents’ home with our newborn. Due to COVID, we stayed there for months. Then we shifted again to his house and lived separately.
His friends got married and were earning well, but he made new friends, and that’s where everything changed. He began abusing me saying he didn’t like me, comparing me to his friends’ wives for their looks and dowry. He stopped caring and never disclosed his earnings. I became a maid without a salary. I wasn’t allowed to talk to even female friends, attend functions, or go to the shop to buy groceries.
I stayed home all day. I’m not interested in serials or gossiping because I’m an introvert. Village life never suited me. I wanted to work, but he refused. I found a WFH job and worked as a virtual assistant. During online meetings with my boss, he would sit there and stare at me. Afterward, he would ask why I laughed while talking to my boss but not to him. I was forced to leave that job within 2 months.
He always spied on me. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without informing him. He eventually stopped going to work and farming too, so he stopped buying things for the house. We fought a lot. One day, he told me he couldn’t manage two families ours and his parents so we started living together with his family. That was the worst decision ever.
They again started abusing me in front of others, telling lies, manipulating with their acting, and assassinating my character. He didn’t say a word, never asked why they were treating me that way. I couldn’t bear the endless torture. I stopped eating and doing chores. My MIL got furious and yelled at me.
I lost my cool at that point. I shouted back using the same bad words she had used against me for years. My FIL abused me and my family and told me to remove my thaali (he says this during every fight). I called my husband and asked him to stop all of this he didn’t care. So I told him I was going to leave, and he said “okay.” I left with my kid.
But not for long. My kid is now studying in his village and staying with his father. I told my parents I won’t go back there. I want to get a job and take care of my kid alone, but they refused. It’s been two months, and I’m still suffering. Everyone is advising me to go back, but I can’t. I don’t have a job. I have a child. I feel helpless. I can’t find a job due to lack of experience and the career gap.
Please help me find the right path.
Question: What should I do?
1: Divorce him and focus on finding a job
2: Give him a second chance and stay like a slave
3: Leave everything behind and start a new life
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com