I was married to a 35 years old man 2 years ago. I was then 24 years old and had completed post-graduation (M.Phil) from UET. He was not even a graduate. He worked as a web developer in a private firm. It was a totally arranged marriage. I had not even seen his face before marriage. He married me and took me to a house where his big brother, his Bhabhi, their 4 middle aged children, and his Bhabhi’s father already lived. He worked in another city and left me behind with his brother’s family.
From the very first day, he started showing overly lovey behavior and constantly said, “I love you” to me. His affectionate behavior felt strange to me. I always felt it was fake, but I didn’t say anything to him and also said the same lovely words back to him. After his Bhabhi’s constant involvement and his big brother’s characterless behavior, I demanded he take me with him. He arranged a shared house in the city where he worked, and we started living there. But I felt there was no privacy, as the landlady also lived in the same house.
We lived on the lower portion and she lived on the upper portion (roof wali). She constantly stared at us from the roof. After 1 month of living in that house, he beat me badly with a shoe and slapped me just because I refused to meet his friend and his friend’s family. I had a negative vibe from his friend and didn’t want to meet him. This incident happened just 4 months after our marriage. I was shocked that the same person who never hesitated to hug me on a busy road, who fulfilled all my wishes, and who showed no ego in doing house chores like washing dishes, could beat me like that.
He hit me on my mouth, kept beating me with his joggers on my head, and dragged me to the gate without a dupatta on my head. I was so shocked I didn’t even stop him from hitting me. I started crying with so much disappointment that I decided I would not reconcile with him again. I came back to my mother’s house. I waited 6 months. He didn’t even text or call me back. Then I took khula from him. This broken relationship hit me very hard. I had made his house my home! I cooked different meals for him.
I woke up early and told him to please pray Salat at the masjid. He was not very fond of Ibadah or Salat, but I encouraged him to pray. I always thought good for him but don’t know why he did this to me. It’s been 2 years and I still feel like I was a bad wife who didn’t know how to build a home. Sometimes I wonder why I got so attached to him. Why did I believe his “I love you”? I am someone who never had a boyfriend or male friends. He was the only man I hugged. I never even hugged or kissed my father’s hand.
But the way he broke me, I am unable to find peace. I always pray to Allah to give me Sukoon and help me become successful in my dreams. How do I get rid of thoughts about him?