12 years ago, when I was in D.Ed college, I was a very shy and innocent girl. No friends, nothing. I couldn’t even talk confidently, so I was facing many problems. I decided to make friends on Facebook. There, I met one guy. Soon, I got attached to him. I ignored every friend request and every message for him. He asked me for my number and a video call. I didn’t have the dare to do it, but I always chatted with him a lot. Now, I love him very much. He is the first boy whom I’ve ever loved.
After some days, he proposed to me, but I didn’t have the courage to accept. After one year, he came to India from Dubai. After some time, he said he is getting married to his lover (he had proposed to me many times, but I was sure he didn’t love me, as he had so many girlfriends). Main bata nahi sakti how I felt. Mera pehla pyaar sab khatam ho gaya. He got married in 2013. Then I tried very hard to move on. It affected my life and health very negatively. Maine apni life pe dhyan hi nahi diya. Bas padhai karti rahi, average numbers se pass hoti rahi.
Meri sab cousins ki shaadi ho gayi, main hi reh gayi. Main usko ek pal bhi nahi bhooli, har pal dil rota tha. After 12 years, usko galti se miss call chala gaya. Then he messaged me and said he is getting divorced soon. I asked him about kids. He said no. Again, like a mad person, I got too attached to him. Phir puri duniya bhool ke main unme involve ho gayi. Then he asked me to meet. He requested me very much to meet, so I met him on my birthday. He was in the driver’s seat, and I sat in the back. He wished me and asked for a handshake, but I refused.
On the same day, he blocked me from everywhere. Like a mad person, I made multiple IDs on Instagram to message him. On one fake ID, I saw he mentioned he has two kids. Mujhe pata chal gaya ki woh sach bol raha hai. Uske kids ka sunke mere pairon tale zameen nikal gayi. Har baar usse poochti thi ki kids hain, bolta tha nahi. Har ID pe usko pata chal jaata tha ki main hoon. Then he returned, but every time he blocks me again. Like a mad person, I keep making IDs just to message him. Kabhi ek saal, kabhi do saal baad woh maanta hai.
Mujhe bas yehi hota rehta hai main usko manati rahoon. Still, he blocks me, and I still message him like crazy. Maine bahut try ki move on hone ki, but nahi ho paayi. Shaadi ke liye bhi try kiya, but I’m not beautiful. Main achhi family se hoon 4 bhai, 3 behnein hain. Ghar mein sabse badi hoon. Har kaam mein expert hoon. Pura ghar manage karti hoon. But life mein bahut toot gayi. Jo respect deserve karti hoon, ghar mein nahi milti. Na kabhi pyaar mila.
Sab mujhe ideal bolte hain, but sabke behavior ne mujhe andar se maar diya. Itna padh likh gayi, but ek school mein bhi job nahi mili. Life mein kuch nahi hai bas ghar ke kaam, insult, aur usko message karna jo ek reply bhi nahi deta. Na koi job hai. Day by day, I’m looking uglier and facing so many financial problems. Move on hona, sabse ek khubsurat life bitani hai. Kya karun? Please half English half Hindi ka mazak mat banana.