I am a 30 years old woman with a master’s degree, working a good job and earning well. I always prioritized my career and my parents’ pride over relationships. Even though I studied in a big city, I chose not to date anyone because I wanted to save my virginity all emotional and physical experiences for marriage. I deeply respected my parents’ values and sacrifices.
In my community, girls usually marry between 19 and 23, but I wasn’t interested then. Later, due to pressure from relatives, my parents began looking for a match. Most of the men who showed interest were either unemployed or not serious. I only wanted someone loyal and respectful, even if he wasn’t highly educated or rich.
Eventually, a proposal came from someone with limited education and a simple contractual job. He was introduced through relatives. My father liked his cheerful nature and was impressed that he had a job despite having less education, Especially at a time when many well qualified degree holders were unemployed or simply passing time. Also, since we weren’t very confident about matrimonial sites and had limited proposals, despite me being attractive and professionally settled, we decided to go ahead.
After our engagement, his behavior worsened. He manipulated me emotionally, played cruel pranks, and frequently insulted me under the guise of jokes. I later discovered he had cheated on his exes and had a history of casual relationships. Concerned, I confided in my mother, but my father dismissed my doubts, believing he could change because “it’s difficult to find a boy with a clean past” and “a boy’s past doesn’t matter; they change after marriage.”
I was shocked to receive such responses from my parents. Ultimately, my parents’ biggest fear wasn’t just his character but the consequences of calling off the marriage. Also, I have a younger sister, and they had to think about her too. Although my parents were worried about his behavior, social status mattered to them. They reasoned that even if we found a boy from a city like Pune or Mumbai, we wouldn’t know much about him, whereas at least we knew something about this boy, his past.
My father’s motto was “Pran jaye par vachan na jaye.” His words meant everything to him. I never dared to go against him. And my father’s reputation was everything to me. We got married and moved to Pune because of my job, since he didn’t have a permanent job in his region. He used a fake degree to get a job in Pune bought with a loan, which I ended up paying off from my savings.
With this, he secured a job three months after our marriage. I gave him the money without hesitation for his other loan repayments. In our community, the groom’s side traditionally gives gold to the bride, and they had given us 4.5 tolas. I had one necklace, which was immediately mortgaged to repay another loan I didn’t know about. Since it was his family’s gold, I didn’t question it. My mother had made similar sacrifices for my father, so I saw no issue in doing the same.
I also handled all household expenses, even his personal ones. He refused to help with any chores and believed it was solely the woman’s job, despite me working long hours. His training started at the office, where he became attracted to a girl. After training, she moved to another city, but despite her being a fresher unfamiliar with Pune or job requirements, they talked all day on WhatsApp. Every evening, he would delete their chats.
I talked to this girl and told her that he was married to me. That cheating game stopped there. Again, he started talking to other women secretly and got violent when I questioned him. My parents told me to adjust and give him some time, but things kept getting worse. I did all the cooking, cleaning, and supported him emotionally and financially. Meanwhile, he continued cheating and being abusive.
Eventually, he beat me so badly that I returned to my parents. My father finally accepted that he wasn’t going to change and warned him. I gave him another chance, but he behaved well only for a few days before things returned to the same toxic pattern. During COVID, he went to his village and bad mouthed me to his parents, who then demanded I move to their village, work from home, and give them my salary.
My father refused to send me there because he knew they would torture me. He came back after lockdown, and when I asked him to take care of expenses for just two months, it led to another fight. Once work from office resumed, I wanted to buy a bike to avoid the daily struggle of changing multiple buses for work, coming home late, and still having to cook dinner and serve him. But he didn’t allow it he wanted the money for himself.
He used to tell my parents that he dropped me to work, but in reality, he didn’t. Maybe once or twice a week, he would come. Though he came from a poor background, he demanded fresh, hot, and different food every day. People often say that those who grow up with very little don’t make demands when it comes to food they eat whatever is available because they understand the value of it.
But this person wanted different sabzis every day, freshly made and served hot. If I didn’t do that, it would lead to fights. Once, he slapped me just because I didn’t wash one extra shirt even though I had washed three. Another time, he got angry when I didn’t immediately make tea and he called my brother and father to complain, saying he didn’t want to stay with me anymore. He was doing all this for the money I had saved for a bike.
A few days later, I asked him to bring a gas cylinder. Until then, my family used to provide it for us, but I had told them to stop. I wanted him to take responsibility. When I asked him to bring the gas, he said he didn’t have money. I asked why, and he had no clear reason. He would often say he had marriage loans not because of me, but from spending on his relatives, alcohol, a wedding band just to impress the girls who had rejected him.
His father would often ask him for money, and they never seemed to have enough for basic health needs. I said, “If your father doesn’t have money for medical treatment, how does he have money for alcohol?” That’s all I said. I didn’t even call his father an alcoholic. But that was enough to trigger him. He started slapping me, accusing me of insulting his father. This time, I didn’t stay quiet. I slapped him back.
But he was stronger, so he beat me badly. That day, I called my mother and left with her. After that, two or three meetings were held. Community people were involved. In front of others, he blamed me, saying I didn’t serve him properly and that I ordered food online which was only the case during the first 2 to 3 months of marriage. After that, I never did.
Everyone in the meeting supported me. They questioned him about where his money was going, why he wasn’t helping at home, and how he expected freshly cooked meals every day from someone working full time. During these meetings, it came out that he had a ₹10 to 12 lakhs loan even before the marriage, and no one knew why. A man he borrowed from told my brother that he was a fraud.
Later, when my father was diagnosed with late stage cancer, my family decided to end the marriage for my safety, and even the community supported our decision. After tolerating violence, abuse, and cheating for one year, I filed for divorce and left without taking a single rupee in alimony, even though I had spent lakhs on him to help him settle in the city. I didn’t even file a police complaint and returned his 1.5 to 2 tolas of gold, which was just earrings and a Mangal sutra.
The rest of the gold was already with him. Community people asked him to provide 20,000, otherwise it could set a trend of divorcing women especially those who are not educated without any consequences. Yes, not all women get alimony, especially in villages. I donated the ₹20,000 that’s how much I hated that man. He admitted to all his mistakes in the meeting, hoping I would give him another chance. But NO. This time, I gave a chance to myself.
Now, it’s been five years. I am happy and strong. I lost my father to cancer, but before he passed away, he saw my sister get married to a nice man. That gave him peace. After his death, I took responsibility for my family. My brother started earning well, so I no longer have to support them financially. I have now bought a 2BHK home with my hard earned money in a luxurious area. I am also open to remarriage now.
I even get proposals from unmarried men. When they ask about my past, and I tell them I was married to a poor, uneducated man, they often don’t believe it. They think I’m making it up. I never had a boyfriend, and even after the divorce, I’ve never been in a relationship. Honestly, I wouldn’t even call that marriage a “relationship.” It was forced. When people refer to him as my “ex,” it irritates me.
The idea of a partner I had in mind he was the complete opposite of that. I’ve always believed in being a one man woman, but destiny had different plans for me. I still believe that money and looks don’t matter even someone less educated can have a beautiful heart. For me, loyalty and truthfulness are still the top priorities in a man. But honestly, finding such a person in today’s world is the most difficult thing.
Still, I’m ready to wait till the last breath of my life for the right one. My family supports my choices. They suggest I consider remarriage, but they never pressure me because they understand what I endured for their honor. They know I sacrificed my self respect to protect the dignity of our family. I don’t want to get married just to fit into society’s expectations. I want to marry for myself for a life with a good partner, leading a simple and honest life together, and raising wonderful children (just two) with love and values.
And if I don’t get married, I’ll still become a mother by adopting children and giving them a loving home. But one thing I know for sure: I will not compromise when it comes to choosing a life partner. Sometimes, I just don’t know whether to cry or laugh when people say that working women don’t marry unemployed or less educated or poor men because this is exactly how such men treat women, even when they do get married to one. Of course, there may be some exceptions.
Question: We talk about women contributing financially and taking on responsibilities, but are men truly ready for a strong, independent, and loyal woman who shares the financial load? And more importantly, are they ready to contribute equally at home?
Option 1: Yes, True partnership is about balance
Option 2: No, Many still expect women to handle home
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