Hi, I am 37. My husband is 44 years old and we have a 5 years old daughter. It’s a love marriage. I went against my family and got married. My father and brother did not approve because my husband’s mother is a stepmother, and he almost grew up as an orphan, never having a proper family environment. I was working, didn’t know how to cook, and wasn’t used to doing chores. I was very pampered. He convinced all of us by saying he would hire a cook and maids.
After getting married, everything went well until we had the baby. During the lockdown, my parents passed away. Now the baby girl is growing up and has ADHD. She is very hyperactive, and handling her alone is very tiresome. But my husband is not ready to take household responsibilities, help with babysitting, or help the kid with studies. He can’t afford a maid either. He doesn’t allow me to work. He just wants a wife who stays at home and looks after the kid. But he just wants to chill every day. He wants to enjoy life and doesn’t want to be entangled in married life.
He wants to party every weekend with multiple people and started returning home the next day after partying all night. He doesn’t like being questioned. He basically wants to enjoy life. There are no proper investments for the future. He doesn’t even own a property. In 10 years, he has not taken me on a single holiday nor bought any jewelry. He constantly finds faults in me. On the other hand, I don’t like him going out and partying all night. I don’t like him drinking. Small arguments turn into ugly fights, and he records them as evidence so that he can leave, citing mental harassment, or he threatens to commit suicide like Atul.
Many men are misusing the Atul suicide example and trying to frame women, using it as a victim card. He is very laid back and careless. Spends money on useless things. Simple things like forgetting to flush after pooping, keeping the gas stove on, getting sloshed every weekend and returning the next morning, and flirting with women. Looking at all this, I get frustrated and shout at him. He basically now wants a divorce without paying a single penny in alimony. He is ready to become jobless and get divorced but is not ready to take up marital responsibilities or care for his kid and wife.
It feels like he married just for temporary unpaid sex and money. Now he knows there’s no property in my name, so he sees no point in being nice. He left the house 6 months ago and comes only in the morning to pick up the kid for school. That’s it. He has basically abandoned us. He doesn’t like spending money on me, but he buys iPhones, SUVs, and expensive alcohol for himself, and yells at me even if I order food on Swiggy. Total hypocrite.
What should be done in such cases where the husband is just a gold digger who used his wife for temporary fun and doesn’t want to be a responsible husband or father? On the other hand, I am not ready to give a divorce since my parents are no more, I have nowhere to go, and no job. If I try to take up a job, he threatens to abandon the kid on the roads instead of taking care of her until I return home. I want to take up a job now, but I want my husband to also contribute to the kid’s education and maintenance so that something can be saved for her future.
Meanwhile, I am ready to control my anger, not shout at him, and stay for the sake of the kid. But he is not ready to reconcile, citing that his ego is hurt, he’s been disrespected, and he keeps playing the victim card. In all this, the kid is suffering every minute. She cries a lot for her father. She loves both of us and can’t stay without us at all. It is affecting her psychologically. Though her father hasn’t come home in 6 months, she calls every hour to talk to him. Every night she sleeps crying for her father, but that asshole doesn’t even bother. She sleeps every night hoping to see her father in the morning when he picks her up for school.
Weekends are hell for her. What can be done in such situations where the father only wants to party, drink, and isn’t ready to adjust or compromise even for the kid’s sake? He doesn’t want to take any responsibility either. He just wants a divorce and to roam around like a bachelor. Kindly give suggestions keeping the child’s well being in mind.