I joined an IT company around six or seven years ago. That’s where I met him. We became good friends, and over time, I started to like him genuinely. After about a year and a half of friendship, I told him on his birthday, over a call, that I loved him. He didn’t respond immediately. He said he needed some time to think. Later, when we met, I was honest. I told him that I liked him, but I also came from a very traditional family. I said it wouldn’t be easy for my family to accept a relationship but I was willing to wait and fight for us.
He asked for five years. And I agreed. After that, we were together not just emotionally, but deeply connected. We genuinely cared about each other. But during this time, the pressure at home started increasing. My family began actively looking for a groom from 2021. Many people came to see me. It felt uncomfortable like I was being displayed to strangers and judged by them. And through all this, I was trying to hold things together pushing back, saying no, delaying things.
I kept telling him what was happening. I hoped for emotional support someone to lean on. But he often didn’t know what to say. He would just tell me, “Don’t worry, we’ll see,” and nothing more than that. That hurt I felt like I was carrying everything alone. I have even visited his home many times, and we had a good time. His mother believed that we loved each other and that everything was okay from their end. But looking back, I also know that he wasn’t being careless. He’s a good person and just doesn’t know how to express himself properly.
He just didn’t know how to handle everything I was facing. The pressure overwhelmed me and maybe my reactions overwhelmed him too. He started to feel that I was always talking about problems, and he began to withdraw emotionally. We had many arguments. The connection started to fade. Then, he told me that our “vibe” wasn’t matching anymore that we were fighting more than being happy. It hurt, but I could feel it too. The closeness we once had had changed.
Eventually, I told him one day, “Let’s break up. I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel supported.” Because he had slowly detached and avoided me more. He didn’t argue. He said okay. But even then, we didn’t fully let go. We met occasionally and every time, we could feel it. There was still love. But there was also fear. He told me, “If we stay together, we might hurt each other even more.” He wanted good things for me genuinely. He once said, “I still need you. But I know I don’t deserve your love and care.”
He was scared too scared of both holding on and letting go. We had shared a lot emotionally and physically. Everything except crossing one line. But the bond was real. Deep. Now, it’s 2025. Our communication has almost stopped. My family is finalizing a groom. I’ve moved on in many ways. His actions don’t affect me the way they once did. I’m clear unless he truly changes, I don’t want to go back. But I also don’t want anyone new. I can’t imagine being physically close to someone else. It just feels wrong.
Like my past would haunt me. Everyone says that if I get married, it will solve the problem. But I am deeply sensitive and emotional. And I don’t think I will ever allow someone to get close to me at all. At the same time, staying single is not accepted in my family. I have younger siblings. I told my parents I’m okay to marry after them, but they’re worried about society, about pressure, about tradition. Now, whenever they talk about finalizing someone, I feel fear fear of physical closeness, fear of pretending, fear of losing my self respect, honor, and dignity.
I know I’m not ready for any emotional or physical connection. But I also know my parents are hurting too. He wasn’t a bad person. I wasn’t wrong either. We just weren’t able to be what the other needed at the same time, in the same way.
Note: We are mature now, and we understand there were mistakes from both sides and a lack of understanding between us. But still, if he is willing and ready to give us one more chance, then I am also ready for that… Because I feel that putting effort should be enough from my end. I have even joined a job and stayed in another city for us to get married later, and made many more unexplainable efforts from my end. If he is ready, then I am also willing to give us one more chance.
But I am not going to chase or force anyone anymore to give one more chance. It’s very clear that if I end up spending my life with an emotionally unavailable person even though he is a very good person inside and out then my life will be ruined (could be lonely, handling everything alone, mental traumas maybe). Now, I’m left with this question: How do I move forward in this situation without hurting my honor and self respect or the people I love?
I hope no one makes harsh comments, as everyone has their own difficult phases to deal with.