This was my first ever love, I was a late bloomer, never having a relationship until I was 22. She was a year younger and my junior in college. We started noticing each other and had deep conversations, no flirting. We went out and felt a spark. Initially, we agreed on something casual, but by the end of the month, she confessed she had harbored strong feelings for me for three years. I ended things when I went abroad. After I returned, we met again by chance, reigniting our connection.
We started seeing each other seriously, and it felt like a dream. She made me feel like a man, and I made her feel like a woman. But after the honeymoon phase, issues and insecurities emerged. She felt I didn’t love her as much as she did, which might have been true. Being my first relationship, I struggled to support her emotionally. I was also dealing with a chronic health issue, which worried her. Within a year, she grew serious and pressured me to tell my parents about our relationship.
While I was willing, it felt like she had me at gunpoint. We lived far apart, mostly communicated via phone, and when we did meet, her curfew was tough to manage. Eventually, we had a massive fight where we blamed each other. I was willing to work on our issues, but she used the fight as an excuse to break up. It devastated me. I went from being a confident, charismatic guy to feeling weak and insecure. I set my ego aside, begged her to come back for months, showered her with gifts, wrote poems, letters, and even sang for her.
I even traveled to see her, but nothing worked. I look at photos from before the breakup and see a happy, loving person; now I look ten years older. She claimed her obsession with me was harming her, but by ending things, she killed me. I don’t hold grudges; I just miss her and am proud of her. She was the right person at the wrong time for me, but perhaps I was toxic for her. This experience has opened a door within me. I now feel more connected to my emotions and can better listen and console others. It’s heavy but will make me stronger.
Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Earlier:
• Avoid hookups; if you’re not dating to marry, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak. If it’s not going anywhere, end it early.
• Reassure your partner with words like, “I’m here for you, always. We’re a team, no matter what.
• Even if everything falls apart, you can rely on me.”
• Don’t see love as multiple options. If you find someone who is truly dedicated, cherish them.
• Look beyond their façade and regularly check in on them.
• Give gifts, cook for them, and do nice things occasionally.
• If you have a fight, avoid doing it over the phone. Meet in person the next day. Don’t let a day pass without resolving issues. Set aside your ego or be prepared for an ego death after a breakup.
It’s hard, but I’m trying to move on while still hoping she might return. I once thought I was incapable of love, but now I understand what it is. I fear the next person I’m with might leave me too. To those in relationships, learn from my mistakes. I wish I had someone else’s guidance.