Conflict Between Wife Raised by a Nuclear Family and Me Raised in a Joint Family. Because of the joint family process and everyone involved, I got married late to a very young girl who was raised with expensive tastes and a solo mindset. She fails to adjust with my family, throws tantrums, wants to live separately, and recently used the word “divorce.”
In detail: I am the sole earning member in my extended family. I have to, and I will, support my parents, my brother’s family, and their education-financially or otherwise. I can’t leave, although they are also earning. I also have a very demanding job, yet I earn more than sufficient. At the time of my marriage, I had financial constraints which delayed our honeymoon or the gifts my wife asked for-either because my mom got ill, or my brother requested money, or because I couldn’t get leave from my job.
Although I tried a lot by adding more than what she asked for-like taking her on surprise vacations or shopping whenever I got time-she never gets satisfied. She blames me for ruining her life. She never talks to or even listens to the elders in my family and has no contact with them. She brands me as a mamma’s boy who is willing to sacrifice his personal life to impress his joint family, who, according to her, are sucking money and ruining our marriage. She paints my whole family as narcissistic people.
Fights are routine. She now lives with her family, saying that her parents also need the support and presence of their daughter-just like my family. All in all, she is highly reactive and manipulative. Although I have never stopped her from visiting her parents or doing other things, she continues to blame me.
Recently, on our third anniversary, I wasn’t feeling well enough to visit her, so I called her-and again, it was the same thing: that I’m obsessed with my family and job, that I don’t prioritize our marriage, that I don’t have the spine to stand against my parents, and so on…
What was new was the word “divorce”-which she used to threaten me. Although I love her a lot and try to make her happy, I can’t leave my family responsibilities-or my family. But she doesn’t understand or even try to accommodate. She thinks that after marriage, the husband is solely the wife’s property. She is very harsh, disrespectful, and abusive towards me and my family.
She clearly said that she wants to ruin their lives, wishes them to go to narak, called them paapi log, and even used foul language. What should I do?
Option 1: Leave my family and live with her separately.
Option 2: I can’t leave her nor my family, so I should just go on with the flow.
You can share all your Confessions with me over Gmail or Google Chat Praveenpandu6102@gmail.com or Telegram @PraveenPandu