I met a girl on social media through my best friend. Coincidentally, we started talking to each other, and she was suffering from a toxic relationship. She broke up with that guy, and at that time, she needed support. I had sympathy towards her, and I was a good listener, so she shared all her emotional trauma with me, and I helped her to move on. At the same time, I was falling for her, so without expecting a “yes,” I just told her my feelings. She took some days and finally said yes to me. We were in a relationship now a long, long distance relationship.
We shared all of our secrets and talked a lot through VC and calls. After some months, she said she wanted to give her 100% to me, but she could not, as her past still haunted her. I guess she still hadn’t moved on yet, and it left me speechless. She was in a dilemma. After that, I came to know she was still stalking her ex, and during our relationship, her ex approached her again. She talked to him on call 2 to 3 times. It broke my heart. She shared her ID and password with me after that and said she would not do that again.
After months, just for fun, I opened her ID that was my biggest mistake, I admit. I might not have done that. I found her ex’s conversation and read some of their sexting chats. That started haunting me, and it was painful for me. But I continued for 7 to 8 months in that relationship somehow, with all those things in my mind. I tried so hard but could not be the same as I was; I didn’t heal from that during that time. I shared all these things with her, and we mutually broke up.
But after we broke up, after some days, someone sent me her and her ex’s past pictures while they were in a relationship private pictures like kissing and stuff. It might have been her ex or somebody to whom he had shared those private pictures. I didn’t tell her about it. It’s been 4 years. I still miss her. She is a decent girl, but I don’t have the courage to ask her anything. I feel guilty sometimes that I abandoned her based on her past. Should I regret it? Do I really deserve to feel sorry for that?
After breaking up, I told her sorry hundreds of times, explaining everything, but she didn’t reply. I am confused if she really loved me. She moved on from me instantly, as if she was waiting for that. And sometimes, I feel sorry that I abandoned her.
Question: What should I accept now?
Option 1: Didn’t overcome her past, so moved on instantly.
Option 2: I abandoned her for her past, so feel sorry for a lifetime