Hello everyone, I’m 21 years old and have my own business. I’ve been working since I was 18, and I take full responsibility for myself. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is 27 years old and currently unemployed. He is not very expressive with his feelings toward me. He’s a quiet person who never says “I love you” or makes me feel loved. He can go an entire day without talking to me, while I’m the one always trying to get affection from him. I’ve openly asked him about this many times, and his response is always the same: “I’m just like this. I don’t know how to show love.”
The only thing that makes me feel like he cares about me is that he always tells me, “Work hard now so you can have a comfortable life in the future.” He says this to me every single day. We’ve been together for three years. In the first five months, our relationship was going well. From the sixth to the tenth month, my boyfriend was preparing to work abroad as a yoga trainer. He spent his time training his body while living on a limited budget with no income. Eventually, he started running out of money, so I decided to financially support him during his time abroad. I gave him my credit card details and supported him for about two months.
I never saw it as a burden or thought badly about it I simply wanted to be a good girlfriend who stood by him during difficult times. I love him, and I understand how stressful financial struggles can be because I’ve been financially independent myself. I knew what he was going through. But eventually, his financial situation became unsustainable, and not wanting to burden me further, he returned to India. Since then, he has been unemployed for the past two years. I often ask him if he’s applied for jobs yet. I even made a resume for him to use.
Sometimes he says he doesn’t want to work in India; other times, he says he’s looking for a job. It’s been two years now, and I worry about his future because he’s already 27 with no work experience. But every time I ask him about getting a job, I feel guilty am I pressuring him too much? Meanwhile, while staying at home unemployed, he still asks me for money once a month. This makes me question whether I’m spoiling him too much and if that’s the reason he’s not putting in the effort to find a job. We’ve had intense arguments about this. He has told me countless times, “You don’t need to care about me.
Just focus on yourself.” When I ask about our future not about marriage, but simply about spending time together he gets upset. He says he doesn’t want to be with anyone and doesn’t want to get married. I’ve heard this many times, but I keep telling myself that he’s only saying it because he’s struggling with life right now. Maybe that’s why he gets angry whenever I bring up the future. Throughout our relationship, he has never made me feel secure that he wants me in his life. Deep down, I still want to support him, and I want to see him build a stable career where he can at least take care of himself.
Should I keep holding on or let go? I’ve tried to move on multiple times, but I always feel guilty about leaving him when he’s still struggling and unemployed. And I just want to know does he love me? What is he thinking? Why won’t he work, look for a job, or even tell me that he loves me? I keep telling myself that maybe he’s just too stressed with his own problems, and that’s why he doesn’t show me love.