I was in a 1.5years of relationship with an insecure and disrespectful man. He was the first one to approach me. Yes, I had a past while he was a virgin. I had met him at a friend’s birthday party and eventually got close, entering into a relationship. I loved him, and before him, I had sex with two people one was an ex-boyfriend and another was a casual partner. Yes, I had casual sex with a guy because I didn’t want a relationship for a period of time, and during that time, I also had casual make out sessions with a few people (I’m bisexual but more into men).
He had asked about my past and everything before getting attached. Later in the relationship, while talking, he dug into my past and I told him. He was taken aback. I had to deal with some reactions, but they didn’t make sense to me given the fact that I was loyal to him. One day he crossed all limits when, during a fight, he dug into my past and called me a slut. I was shocked but also infuriated. One of my greatest strengths is ego and being able to see things rationally despite my emotions.
I had understood that day itself that this wasn’t the man I should invest my emotions into, and there are way better men out there who won’t use the past of a loyal partner to gain brownie points. I never spoke to him after that day, even though he tried to reach out after 2 days and tried every possible way to contact me. I blocked his numbers (2) and his Instagram account. One thing I never provided any clarity to him that I had left and why. To be honest, the fact that I never spoke after that day was enough clarity.
Yes, it did hurt a lot, but I had to do it. I can’t give chances to a disrespectful man. When others approached me about him trying to reach out to me since I had blocked him from everywhere and refused to hold any face to face conversation (he tried to do that) I told them that it’s over, I broke up with him, and I am single now. I was always a self-focused person, and in fact, it was one of the reasons behind me not wanting a relationship at that time. It was to see my body and brain in a better position.
Hence wanted low effort pleasure which requires only 2 to 3 percent of the effort we put into a relationship. I was single at 22 and again went into self-focus mode where I read lots of books, went to the gym, and practiced self-care. Earlier, I didn’t know how to swim, so I had started swimming after this. Again, after 1 year and a few months, I entered into a relationship with another man who is 4 years older than me. We love each other and are happy together. He treats me like a queen and respects me.
Of course, he isn’t a virgin and has a higher body count than mine, given the fact that I didn’t have sex with anyone after that toxic relationship. When I found the love of my life, that disrespectful man whom I once loved approached me again at a party, saying how he came to know that I am in a relationship, how much he had missed me, and tried to make me feel guilty for leaving that way without even providing clarity.
I didn’t speak much to him and just said that I am not interested in talking and I had valid reasons to leave him. I also told my man about it and he asked me to ignore him. It’s weird how such toxic men care so much about you being in a healthy new relationship while being shitty when it was time for them.
Question: Was providing clarity that necessary, especially when you haven’t harmed the person but the person is trying to harm you by digging up your past?
Option 1: Why would a man use the past when provided loyalty?
Option 2: Is being a virgin an excuse for disrespect?