When I was in 7th grade, I tried to confess my feelings to a boy who had proposed to me in 6th grade. But he wasn’t from my own religion. Still, I felt that I should accept him as he confessed his feelings to me. Then I shared this with his school housemate (my friend), saying, “Do you know I love a boy who is from the same house?” Then he told me the names of all the boys belonging to his (red) house. At last, my friend told him, “You thought about many other boys in your house, but why not about yourself?” Then he thought I was in love with him.
But the truth was, I was in love with the other guy. However, the boy who was his school housemate spread the rumor that I loved him. So eventually, everyone thought that I was with him. After some months, we played truth and dare, and again I got a dare to propose to that boy and kiss him the one who spread all these rumors. So basically, everyone thought we got into a relationship. But I told him beforehand that this relationship was totally a misunderstanding and that I wouldn’t stay with him. So after around 6 months, we broke up.
Then, suddenly, after 8th grade, the lockdown started, and the boy I loved approached me. We came close, started having long conversations, and spent time together. Then I genuinely entered into a relationship with him the person I loved. After 3 years, he started to doubt me, and trust issues grew. He became a very toxic boyfriend. He never allowed me to talk to other male friends. He never allowed me to have any male followers on social media. He blocked each and every male contact from my phone. Even if any person asked me for help, we always had a huge fight.
Then, in 10th standard, he broke up with me. I was shattered and broke down very badly. After the lockdown, when offline school started, I went back to school, and again that boy approached me, and we patched up. But he started talking to other girls while still putting many restrictions on our relationship. Then I started feeling that I couldn’t grow anymore; eventually, even my studies degraded. I became one of the less talented or studious students in my class.
After my Higher Secondary Examination, I started focusing on myself. He went to coaching. Finally, after being in a relationship for 5 years, he again broke up with me. Then I promised myself that even after having such a relationship and being physical with him, I wouldn’t go back to him because I finally started feeling that he would never let me live happily. I started my college. As I was a Medical aspirant, along with my college, I also started preparing for NEET. Then I met my school senior, who was an MBBS student in a decent government medical college.
I approached him about my dreams and everything. After some time, he fell in love with me, and I also started feeling something for him. We became close and eventually entered into a relationship. We lived together. He always supported me, loved me, and cared for me. Before being physical with my school senior, I told him about my 5 years of relationship with that boy. He accepted that and started a relationship with me and did everything possible for our relationship.
But after 6 to 7 months, he came to know about that dare about kissing and being in a relationship with that other guy. I hadn’t confessed this part because I thought since I had stayed in a relationship with the boy I loved and had been physical with him, I should only tell him about that. Since the dare and fake relationship seemed insignificant, I didn’t mention it. But now I really regret it. I thought he would leave me if I told him everything that he would think of me as characterless. But genuinely, I love my school senior more than anyone from my past relationships.
Now, after knowing about it, he has started ignoring me. And now, after doing everything, he tells me that I’m just his friend. He says, “I’ll always be there for you, but we can’t stay in a physical relationship anymore. Even if I marry you, we can’t be so close – I can’t even hug you.” This made me so sad, because he knew about my 5 years of relationship, but now he can’t accept the kiss (the mistake) I made in my past, even before that relationship.
What should I do? Should I move on? Should I forget everyone? Or should I die?
Question:
What should I do now?
Option 1: Should I break up with him?
Option 2: Should I accept what he wants?
Option 3: Should I quit?