I have always been someone who craved love the kind that’s perfect and being from a broken family, I searched for it outside of home, and that’s what kept me hurting. Before my recent relationship, I had two long term relationships: one of 1.5 years (when I was 17, so it didn’t work out because we were kids and failed to navigate through it) and another of 2 years (he was toxic and controlling, which suffocated me).
After getting hurt again and again, I gave into this generation’s “trends”: FWB. I knew this guy since Class 11, and he was in a relationship with a girl our age. After Class 12, she moved out of the city, and that began their LDR. During our 2nd year of college, they had fights, almost breaking up and whatnot. One day, he approached me about FWB.
At first, I was reluctant because they were still dating, but he said they were on a break and he was going to break up with her soon. After some persuasion, I gave in as I was single and liked the validation and attention. That continued for 5 months. During that time, I got to know he was still dating her and not telling her the truth about what he was doing behind her back.
So I backed off and tried to find a way to tell her the truth, but I couldn’t at that time (this was in 2022). After that, I met my now ex. I wasn’t looking for any relationship, but something just clicked when we talked, and very quickly we fell in love at the same time. He was really in love and happy told his cousins about me and even wanted to tell his mother. Everything was perfect, and we were happy.
In the initial months, I told him everything about my past but not the part above, as I was really afraid to tell him the fear of losing him and him judging me kept my mouth shut. Also, because our relationship was so perfect, he made me a better version of myself. We took so many risks together and got through problems that usually occur after 2 to 3 years of dating. It was almost perfect.
But last month, on 4th August, everything fell apart. Someone told him about the things I had hidden, and he felt betrayed. He hates lying, so initially, he said he needed time to figure things out and heal before continuing because he didn’t want to be toxic with me. We tried going no contact, but we were so obsessed and in love that both of us failed and reached out.
He continued seeing me on the 7th, 16th, 20th, and 24th of August, and on these days, everything happened that used to happen between us. But he still wasn’t sure about forgiving me and kept saying he needed time to heal, that he would be back, and gave me hope. After coming back from a boys’ trip in the first week of September, he completely flipped 360°.
He started being rude and just became a person I never knew almost like I never really knew him. After coming back from the trip, we met on the 11th and 17th, did everything like we used to, but now I couldn’t see the person I loved in him anymore, and that broke me further. It felt like he was just using me.
During these two months, I gave it my all tried everything I could to save the relationship, begged him to forgive me and love me. He said that I have to learn to live alone and gave me time till 31st December, saying he will come back, and told me to stay his till then.
My world collapsed. Being an overly sensitive person, I feel so broken and empty. I feel myself losing grip and going crazy depressed. Yesterday, I tried my last shot, saying everything I wanted him to know about how I am and how we can still save the relationship. But now he’s like, “You cheated on me, and I don’t know what you did while I was out of the city. You lied to me for 8 months, and I don’t love you anymore.
I have moved on and I’m talking to someone else, so please give me some peace and don’t try to ruin my life anymore.” I’m completely broken because he wasn’t like this. He truly loved me all those 8 months. I don’t know what to do anymore. I tried to end my life twice during this time. I kept telling him that I dislike cheating I just hid some parts because I was afraid.
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