I am a 29-year-old female, recently engaged to a 28-year-old male through an arranged marriage setup. My fiancé is a total green flag who communicates well, brings me gifts and surprises, and gives me time, care, and respect. In general, he is everything a girl would want. A fast rewind to my past, where I was in a relationship with someone who was a red forest, and I broke my virginity with him. An abusive guy who would abuse me with the worst gaalis and even beat me up. He used to cheat on me and was a drug addict with no future or job.
I suffered the worst emotional abuse with him. He would block me for months and cheat around. The only good thing he was good at was in bed, and that is why I never wanted to leave him. I had lost all hope in love after he left me. By God’s grace, I am getting married to a very influential family, but somehow I feel my fiancé won’t be that good in bed as him. I don’t miss my ex as a lover, but deep down, I hope he realises I loved him a lot and that he lost a good person in me.
I am creating scenarios in my mind that someday he will come back and I’ll reject him. I am not able to forgive him for the pain he gave me and for the days and nights I cried and prayed that I would get to marry that abuser. My fiancé is a pookie, and he was an alpha male. My fiancé is perfect husband material, but somehow I’m just stuck on why things went the way they did.