I’m Vijay, 29, male. I’m an introvert, academically focused, career-oriented, and honestly a very slow person emotionally. Most of my life went into studies, responsibilities, and building stability. I never had a girlfriend till now. I never used, cheated, or played with anyone’s feelings. I always believed in loyalty and imagined having a genuine and peaceful married life someday. Currently I’m on STEM OPT with a full-time job. Recently, one of my classmates proposed to me.
She is on H1B, very calm, mature, emotionally stable, patient (“barinche tatvam”), and honestly one of the better people I’ve met in terms of character and behavior. But there is one thing I’m struggling with mentally. She had a past relationship during masters. They were in a live-in relationship and were physically involved for a long time. Later they broke up and now she is single.
I know everyone has a past, and I’m not trying to disrespect or judge her. The problem is with my own mind. Since I never had any relationship myself, I’m finding it very hard emotionally to process it. Part of me likes her deeply and feels she may genuinely be a good wife. Another part of me keeps becoming possessive and disturbed thinking about her past. I’m confused whether: this is a genuine mismatch in values, insecurity from my side, ego, overthinking, or something that maturity can overcome.
I already told her I need time, but it has been months and I still cannot decide. I don’t want to hurt her unfairly, and I also don’t want to enter marriage carrying hidden resentment. People who have gone through similar situations: what did you do? Did accepting someone’s past become easier with time? Or is it better not to continue if the mind is not fully accepting it? Please give practical and honest suggestions.
You can share your feelings and relationship with me over Gmail or Google Chat at kadaveru87@gmail.com. I am based out of USA and interested in having casual conversations and casual dates.